always seek the highest good ...

Lily ... Sister Lily of Divine Healing

2011-08-27T13:31:00.001-07:00

Great Spirit ... Dad ... Gayle ... you've got this one, right? You've got Lily, right?

I've got Kanen.

Who's got me?

Always seek the highest good.

Our incredibly amazing Lily died on Thursday morning in her sleep. I want to send thanks to everyone who has offered extra love and compassion, I want to tell some of you that I understand that you are unable to feel so deeply as you have avoided the situation. All of the LOVE that we have truly felt and will continue to feel and the healing that is surely supporting us is appreciated. It is remarkable kind. Our strength in facing this is growing and at times we have no strength at all.

I am only writing today to let you all know of this huge change in our experience.

Lily's departure was not a complete surprise to us as she had almost ended her earth walk two months ago. She was not young, growing much older each day it seemed ... giving us just a few glimpses of her playfulness here and there. Her health was depleting almost daily. Her last few months were very difficult for her and for us. She more often than not didn't even want to go places with us. The awareness of this was undeniably noticeable and it is difficult to feel the pain and sorrow in this moment in time.

The UPS man delivered bottles for some of my "magic potions" yesterday and when I opened the door I automatically reached down to place my hand at her back as I always do when someone comes to the door. She didn't come around the corner to bark. My touch on Lily's back was always more for the delivery people or clients arriving for sessions and it was always for their comfort or lack of it when facing a BIG BLACK DOG, not to hold Lily back. Lily was a lover.

Lily came into our lives after I had lost my Father and my dear friend Gayle within a year of each other. At the time I knew that my heart was in need of a greater healing than I could conjure up. We adopted Lily (she really adopted us however) to help keep my heart open (to help her see that her ability to LOVE was more than enough). Lily kept my heart open and then opened it more and more and more, all the way up until her last expression of love towards me on Wednesday night.

My Father passed September 5th of 2005. My friend Gayle passed August 15th of 2006. Lily passed just a day or two shy of right in the middle of those two dates. I am sensing the reason why ... I sense that she left when she did to let me know that she filled in the middle of those experiences with her love. She did fill in the middle of those two experiences with her love with more love than I could have imagined.

There is so much more that I could share ... say ... about her. She was the most amazing of all dogs, she was my familiar, my companion day in and day out. In the five years that she was with us, there wasn't a single day that she and I were not together. She was at my side always. Lily was a Spirit Being and an amazing healer, holding the most sacred of spaces during so many healing and counseling sessions, she was so often right at my side, or the side of the client in session. Lily was so strong, the deeper the emotions and the need for healing, the closer Lily came into it to support. I am not sure how I will work alone now, as she was present during so many sessions. I knew that when she would circle my healing table while clients were on it that she had determined that a specialty clearing was required for the client. I had noticed over the last few months that she was preparing for retirement.

Lily was a pure Ceremonial Leader. She was a High Priestess. Her placement in circles and ceremony was profound. If I was in meditation she would sit at my back, if there was two of us in circle she would take the third position. If there was three she would take the open direction and act as a gate keeper. If there was a large gathering ... she would find her way in if she wanted in, always with the utmost of respect. Many times she would circle the circle, setting the energy.

Lily was an integral part of our home, our family, our lives. She was a Sacred SIGNIFICANT Other and a true companion, a holder of the most unconditional love for us. We are so grateful that she blessed us with such deep and loving relationships. Our cat Violet has been deeply effected also, only drinking water from Lily's bowl now and pausing to yowl in the hallway where Lily would lay. It is wonderful in its sadness and truth.

Lily was/IS so much more than a dog. We miss her so much!

So, when you come over for a visit, when you arrive for a gathering or a class/workshop ... please hold the silent space of knowing that Lily won't be answering the door. Thank you. It will help us out a lot by not asking us where she is or what happened. It will really help us out by not asking us how we are doing ... right now we are doing what we should be doing and that is crying a lot when we forget that she isn't here. Please honor our need to grieve ... as long as it take. Lily was a constant companion and a best friend to my son and me.

It is amazing how many times I have heard her over the past few days, expected her to be in my sons room, wondered if she needed to go out, checking her water bowl, wondered how she is. Not seeing her check to see what I was doing.

We have created an altar in the front room for Lily, with our favorite picture of her there and a few sacred items to hold our hearts open for her. Lily's ashes are there too. They will remain there until we decide where to spread them, yes ... spread them at her happiest place to be ... and for Lily that place was always right by our sides, within inches preferably. She may just stay right here. When you visit, and see the altar ... please feel free to send Lily your love.

..........

Dog Medicine ~ Jamie Sams

Be loyal to yourself.
Be true to others.
Bolster your integrity.

Dog, you are so noble. Until the bitter end, your medicine is the teaching us of being a true and loyal friend.

Dog offers innate loyalty.
Dog embodies loving gentleness.
Dog is the guardian of ancient secrets.
Dog reminds us of our sense of service to others.

A tolerant Spirit dwells in the heart of every canine.

Lily was a Wolf Spirit too. Four out of five vets said that she was part wolf. My vet of 24 years had claimed that "the wolf" would be a problem. He was so wrong and I was so happy to fire him. She was always(during my childhood) with me in my dreams, she was always at my side while I turned my life into my dreams and she will always remain by my side until we meet again in the dream realm, as everything now is the dream realm.

Wolf Medicine - Jamie Sams

Wolf ... Teacher, Pathfinders, Moon-Dog of my Soul. Howling, singing, teaching how to know.

Find new paths and options.
Break through.
Be a role model.
Share your inner knowing.

..........

If you have a dog, love them twice as much today and every day.
If you don't have a dog, love another persons dog twice as much today and every day.
If you don't own a dog, consider owning a dog, they will change you for the better and we all need that, to be better and for you to be better too.
If you see a dog treated really well, thank the person who treats the dog really well.
If you see a dog treated badly, get the dog away from the bad person and report the bad person to the authorities who treats them badly.

All in all we are very grateful and very happy that Lily was such a complete part of our lives. In truth ... I have no idea what we are going to do without her.

Lily's eyes were open when she died. I believe that she was looking at her light.

Blessings, love and more,

Laurel

August 15th ... how could I resist

2011-08-15T13:02:00.000-07:00

Gayle ~ I have decided to send your Spirit Body or your essence a communication via the ethereal atmosphere of the internet. I trust in doing so that the love and light of this will gather up there in the great imagisphere of the universe and you will then collect the good intention of this message whenever you want to.

This is sent as a way to update me of my progress since you passed, I have done really well with the promise that you made me make. You either already know, or you are so far gone in your next lifetime that the thought of me is faint if at all.

I upgraded my website over the past few weeks, and I pledged to a launch date of today. I made it just in time to honor you, publishing the changes at 12:36 this morning. I have grown so much more over this past year. I am glad that you would be happy. I am in full blown loving service. Thank you again, for wanting me to do this.

I have yet to find my partner, my "sacred significant other" as you also made me promise that I would do. I wonder where that promise has gone, but then again I have really only focused on the promise to walk in loving service. For as much work as it has been for me to change for the highest good perhaps now the next work will be connecting with "him".

I hope he understands that I am writing a book now, in addition to looking for him.

I have taken on a deeper love, a sacred significant relationship with Plant Medicine. Of course you know this too, as you placed that sticky Pine Cone in my hands when I left your home the day of your memorial service. The Pine Cone, sacred geometry, the pineal gland activation ... the shut down of your brain, the activation of your light body. The day soon after you passed when your essence came to visit me at work to give me all of the information. That was the same day that you asked me to call Jamie, she had to return to work for the first time and you were worried about her. That day you also saturated me with all of the images of natures patterns. That was intense to say the least, you taught me so much that day, showing me all of the things that I never understood before about geometry. I had no idea that a Pine Cone in 2006 would turn into a profound healing work today. There is so much more about this that you know.

"Love is blind. Friendship is clairvoyant." This is so true as it was all the truth with you Gayle. You saw me in the ways that I live in today. Amazing! I am still stunned by your insight and your faith in me. You got me good with that final promise, last breath stuff. I still cry and I will always thank you. As much as I understand it now, it still just blows me away.

I used to think that you weren't present for the last 10 days of your life. I now believe that you were busier than ever, working out all kinds of details for the greater ways of all of us that you loved so much. The day before you passed when you called for me, me out of all of the people surrounding you to tell me about karma. I got it. I got it. I finally understand about Karma.

I have added the work of "Dying Consciously" or in the Shamanic Ways, the work of "Death Walking" to my medicine bag. I have done this primarily because of what you taught me in the last few weeks of your life. Through this work, I am not afraid of dying. That may be easy to say as it seems that death is nowhere near me in my life right now. I am not emotionally awkward when facing the death of others. I thank God that I have not lost someone really close to me, to have to test this claim. I offer support to help people cross over now, but mostly to help the ones who are left behind. You quite possibly know what I have learned, and that is that death is just the birth of the Spirit Body into the Spirit Realm. That makes it all so much sweeter when death is looked at in this way.

Gayle, I believe that you came onto this Earth with an agreement that you would activate me before you died. You did activate me before you died. I am eternally grateful as I cry my annual and traditional August 15th tears now. I knew I wouldn't make it through the day without the sweet cleansing of a visit from you.

It gets better every year, I trust the same for you.

Blessings, love and more ... for eternity,

Laurel

Gayle ... I loved you more than I knew.

Lady Justice ... we're on our heads

2011-07-08T19:26:00.000-07:00

A friend asked yesterday ... "To all my metaphysical peeps-Is anyone else feeling this energetic shift? For the past two days things have seemed different... Thoughts?"

I saw this post and I got side tracked in the chaos of my day and didn't get a chance to mail her my thoughts. It seems it rested heavy in my soul as I dreamed the energy/essence of the comment last night.

My "thoughts" yesterday were encapsulated in a BIG GIANT YES to her question and my thoughts were ... 'WTF' the past two days, PAST TWO WEEKS, MONTHS ... YES, all giant sized again.

So my dreams, guides, Dream Guides gave me so much more last night, and the dream world started to unfold the cloth.

For the past two days I have been bombarded with images of Lady Justice and the scales of justice in images, sound lyrics, comments from friends/strangers/radio DJ's and such. I am putting together a "Women's Courage Circle - Rites of Passage" workshop and I was thinking that Lady Justice must have some message for me for this workshop and she does.

She told me last night in my dream ... "The scales are no longer set and balanced. The scales are no longer in place. The scales are upside down on the balance beam and nothing sets on them the same as before. Know that no matter what the portions are, that used to balance the scales ... give no longer means receive ... take no longer means removed from ... nothing can balance because the trays on the scales cannot hold anything now that they are upside down. Everything is different in this Universal Underworld."

In the dream Lady Justice reminded me that I have always heard the word JUSTICE as the wordS ... JUST US ... and that in my many times of pondering the sound of the word JUST US ... it is the break down that is the significance ... it is JUST US that creates the balance and right now, it is just us that care.

I woke feeling so saddened by this and then more feed back started coming in.

We used to live in the balance of give and receive.
We used to live in the balance of love and be loved.
We used to live in the balance of right meets right and wrong meets wrong.

The world is upside down ... LADY JUSTICE is on her head and we are on our heads too!!!

It doesn't mean that we stop giving, that we stop loving ... that we stop doing right.

It means literally and figuratively ... that we TURN THE SCALE OVER to catch what is slipping away.

I printed a picture of Lady Justice today ... from google and I cut and pasted the trays of the scale upside down to see what the image (changed) really was ... I have been using the images to reset the opportunity to give and receive, to love and be loved and for right to meet right ... (forget the wrong).

When the trays of the scales of JUST US are upside down, inverted ... they look like trays with little caps on them so that nothing slips away ... JUSTICE is maintained by JUST US.

It seems in my little way ... in my little corner of the world ... this has made a difference.

After all ... JUST US is MINE!

"Summer Soulstice Red Poppy" Flower Essence"

2011-06-20T12:08:00.000-07:00

Mother Nature's Red Poppy ... growing in my garden. This makes me so happy! These Poppy's have offered themselves up as a "Special Edition "Summer Soulstice Red Poppy" Flower Essence". The Mother Essence is dancing in a bowl right now and the dance is beautiful as the wind nudges the petals to swirl the flowers in the bowl. She is being supported with quarts charger crystals on each side of her, while being infused with the Sun's eternal light w/ no beginning and no ending, all that we revere of this potent season, all God's, Goddesses and Deities of this season, to bring the Source of the Sun down through the body to send the element of fire to the Root Chakra for purification and healing.

This life is so easy to love ...

Crow ... more from Crow

2011-05-26T21:05:00.000-07:00

Saturday May 21, 2011

What would the skies be like without Crow? How would the morning silence break without Crow? Would perception shift accordingly without Crow?

Immediately I take on a random direction, I never did like Scarecrows. They were lifeless, senseless farm land oddities when I was growing up in the Midwest. Hanging lifeless like Christ on a cross in more ways than one, attempting to cast away the truth of the natural world. Ah, I see a parallel without looking and once again it is connected here to Crow Law, Sacred Law, TRUTH. Truth … I like Crow’s and all that sacred law stuff. I was always happy when the scarecrows didn’t work. I like Christ and all his sacred law stuff too.

The night was filled with rain and I was having incredible dreams when Crow woke me up this morning. Didn’t crow know it was a weekend morning and I actually had the day off? Didn’t Crow know that I could sleep in late? What was Crow doing waking me, it was raining, didn’t Crow want to find shelter from the storm and let me sleep a bit more? Apparently not, because Crow was making sounds louder than the rain to let me know it was time to toss out the peanuts in the backyard.

Crow wakes me on any day and every day that I sleep in past breakfast time, Crow breakfast time that is, not my breakfast time. It is all my doing as I have feed Crow and all of his family, Momma’s, Daddy’s, brothers, sisters, young ones for many years now. I have fed his cousins too … the Blue Jay, Purple Finch, Zebra Finch, Robin Red Breast, Mocking Bird, Sparrow, Chickadee (I call them the grim reaper birds, I love their black hoodies), Pigeons, Doves and more. I have made peace with the Pigeons. They are not the smartest bird on the planet and it is not my job to educate them. I still don’t see the reason for 11 of them trying to fit into one bird feeder. I guess that if they do, what am I to do about it?

So Crow woke me, perched on the roof line at the front of the house. I found that amazing as I had slept in the front room that night and not my bedroom at the back of the house. Crow usually wakes me from my bedroom. I was cognitive enough to realize that Crow found me in another room, in another part of my home, to wake me up to feed him. I was amazed at Crow’s intellect and ability.

I got up from the bed in the front room and walked through the house. I walked down the hall into my bedroom where I keep all of the bird seed, bird feed and assorted nuts and dried fruits for the birds. I was surprised that I had on my Uggs. I didn’t remember having my Uggs out of the closet. This was the first clue that I got from my very life like dream. I did not wear my Uggs the night before.

I am stocked like a mini feed store. I am especially stocked this time of year for the Quail too. I love the Quail. I opened my back bedroom doors and started to head to the yard and there was Crow, right at my feet to the left of me. He was bouncing and cawing loudly. As I walked further into the yard I noticed that two more Crows were to my right and they were telepathically letting me know that they like peanuts very much.

This was the second clue that I got from my very life like dream. I could hear the rain in my sleeping mind but there was no rain in my yard. The sky was clear, there was no rain and the sunlight was brighter than the actual time of morning. The sky was actually to light, it was glowing and everything was shiny.

I did a few more reality checks and realized that the blinds had been closed in the front room, but I could see Crow on the roof. In my reality check I wondered how I could see Crow on a roof with the blinds closed on the windows.

Right about the time that Crow knew that I knew I was dreaming, he started talking to me. He thanked me for always feeding him and his family. The two Crows to my right went into the yard to eat the peanuts that I had tossed out for them. As the Crows went into the yard other birds started flying in to the yard to eat.

A string of assorted birds of every color came into a line up to eat. The first bird was a bright golden yellow and red peacock. The second bird was a turquoise and magenta pheasant. The pheasant was followed by a couple of Robin Red Breast’s but these Robins had purple and burgundy breasts. A row of Hummingbirds entered the line up and they were taking dew drops of rain off of the lawn like they were nectar from flowers. The Hummingbirds were the usual colors of Hummingbirds but they were lit up like neon signs.

I looked at the Crow to the left of me, in amazement and Crow said to me “It’s your dream.” More birds entered the line up on the lawn and eventually the yard was filled with amazing birds of every color but their natural colors. The golden yellow and red peacock was the most amazing as he strutted around the yard with his tail fully fanned. He was so proud of his feathers.

It started raining and I told the Crow that I was going to go inside now. The Crow told me to have a great morning and he thanked me again for feeding him. I asked him how he knew I was sleeping in the front room and not my bedroom and he said that he looked through the windows to see I was not in my room. I realized that that made sense and I closed the door to enter my room.

I made my way up the hall, through the house and into the front room where I had been sleeping. I could see the bed where I had been. I noted that the blinds were closed and that I would not have been able to see Crow on the roof. I sat down on the side of the bed and slumped over very heavily. I noticed that I didn’t have my Uggs on. I heard the sound of Crow calling to wake me up.

I sat up and woke up. I opened the blinds to the large front window and there was Crow sitting on the corner of the roof line peering into the room that I was sleeping in. He woke me up to let me know that it was breakfast time.

This trip down the hall was done while wide awake, wide awake and in awe of Crows intellect and ability. This trip down the hall, I was barefooted. I was happy to be so trusted by Crow. I was stunned by the dream that I had awakened from, just a few moments prior. In the dream I was wearing the same pajamas. Would I go to the back yard to find peanuts on the lawn, a Crow to my left and two Crow’s to my right? Would I see a golden yellow and red peacock swaggering around my yard?

I opened my back doors to walk into my yard and toss out a cup of peanuts and Crow landed just to the left of me, he had walked across the roof while I walked through my home. Two other Crows landed in the yard to eat. I looked at Crow beside me to the left and I asked him if he had seen me twice already, once in my dream and again while wide away. Crow said to me “you are always wide awake”.

I need to shop for peanuts tomorrow.

My latest Reiki Blue post ...

2011-04-08T18:29:00.000-07:00

Reiki ~ “The Secret Art of Inviting Happiness”

Since my last visit to Prototypes I’ve been meaning to post a blog entry. I have considered going a number of directions with this blog. I’ve sat down to write four times and the words simply didn’t flow. My first subject matter, the title of this blog is the only thing that I am called to write about. I initially thought that this subject was just too simple, not enough about the actual experience at Prototypes, too much about me and my experience with Reiki. I am back here at the keyboard (for the fifth time now) to write about my first subject matter and it is flowing, after all how could I write about an experience other than my own anyway?

Mikao Usui is the founding father of Reiki. I am not a worthy historian when it comes to Usui or Reiki so I won’t increase the number of words in this post with too much of the story, even HIStory (Master Usui’s story) in this blog. I will say that in my opinion Master Usui was an amazing man, unique in many ways. Master Usui lived an authentic life of expansiveness and diversity. He forged his own way in the world, sacrificing his own comforts for the highest good of others. He devoted his life to energy healing, healing others, becoming “one with Reiki”. He was a modest Super Human. Master Usui was a great example of living a life of loving service.

It is said that Master Usui was approximately a decade into his walk with Reiki when he determined that even with the difficulties he had experienced along the way, Reiki had given him the greatest happiness of his life. He knew that loving service, helping others, promoting energy healing, being One with Rieki, living his life as he was meant to live it had established an art. After ten years with Reiki Master Usui decided that Reiki was “The Secret Art of Inviting Happiness”.

My last visit to Prototypes was on Thursday, March 31. I started the day with the open mind to share with the women at Prototypes whatever my heart spoke of Reiki in the moment. I knew that I would offer an introduction to energy healing, the importance of patterned breath and breathing deeply and fully. I knew I would encourage the women to breathe in this way so that they could engage easily into the center of their being, at the heart beat itself and from there, they would become more present in their bodies.

During the day leading up to my visit to Prototypes I found myself filled with serenity while walking step by step through my life. I was working my basic tasks of watering my garden, cleaning my dog’s teeth, feeding the backyard menagerie of bird life and doing basic household chores. The day was one of our first really warm days of spring, and after many, very many days of chill and rain, I was delighted to take in the warmth of the sun on my body and the beauty of the clear blue skies above me. I was joyful and simply happy.

I paused at one point to consider my happiness and I thought of my walk with Reiki. I thought of how my life has changed so much over the years (a decade) and I thought of my pleasure in my work tasks that used to be more of a pressure from work tasks. I acknowledged my growth and I realized that I had found myself living Master Usui’s claim, that Reiki, when practiced devotedly over time is “the secret art of inviting happiness”. I decided in that moment that I would share a bit that day with the women at Prototypes about Reiki being this secret art form, leading to happiness.

As always, one good direction heading towards Prototypes can easily go another good direction once you enter the doors there. As I mentioned in my last blog the women are often experiencing one form or another of stress or anxiety, they have a multitude of thoughts on their minds, they have come from an assortment of previous environments and they are easily distracted. They appear to lack a deep, long attention span and rarely are they present in their bodies. It is always amazing to witness the massive energy that a group of these women can show up with and I love this.

This day was no different than the others with the women entering with their own experiences front and center for them. This day included the majority of these women working to organize a large rummage sale that was scheduled to take place at Prototypes the upcoming weekend. The day was warm and the women were all affected in one way or another by the rummage sale organization and by the warm weather.

Allison Stillman was right by my side as usual … OH THE JOY OF HAVING ALLISON STILLMAN RIGHT BY MY SIDE … and Allee worked her magic in bringing the Prototype women into circle. The group energy was WILD. It was particularly hard to get the group focus together and some of the women were completely interested in Reiki and others were in their chairs and completely out of body, many appeared to be completely out of the room and not at all interested in Reiki.

I began talking about breath and working with the women to get them into their bodies and to get the Reiki flowing. One by one the women connected in, even the women who were out of body and the women who appeared to be out of the room eventually came into the room and into their bodies too. Keeping the women on track for breath alone was not easy so the challenge was there to get them to consider working with energy for healing.

The group eventually became receptive and it was beautiful to see these women support themselves in a greater calm, a more present state of being and these women created change that affected the change of the entire room and each person in it. One woman was very resistant to it all; typically this woman has remained resistant to me, to Reiki and any idea of energy work, energy healing and self healing. She has been consistently difficult to try to keep on track and she has been unwilling to conform to group activity. She is not obnoxious or rude in anyway, she simply has and holds her own agenda.

I was verbally guiding the women with deep breath work, connecting them to the heart beat and working with them to sense the energy in their bodies. The group was cooperative and most of them were very successful in feeling their individual energy field. These women were markedly affected by the calming nature of this basic practice. The one woman continued to be demonstrative and kindly combative with me. I kept at the process, encouraging them all to stay with in, focusing now on the woman with the greatest resistance to it all.

I talked to the women about feeling the energy. I asked them to feel the physical body, to feel the emotional and mental state that they were in. I asked them to feel for a shift in energy in and around them. It was all positive at this point, even the gently combative nature of the one woman, as she caused me to go deeper with the other women who were present.

At this point I asked the group to place their hands close to the other hand in prayer position but with their hands about and inch or two apart to see if they felt energy coming from their hands. This request created a sweet experience as the women could all feel this energy. This request created the best experience as the woman that was most resistant to the entire experience literally jumped out of her seat and almost stood completely upright, before she circled back around to her seat to sit back down. She exclaimed that she could feel the energy between her hands. She was none the less “trippin” (that was her word) on the full effects of Reiki, and the Reiki that she was “trippin” on was her Reiki. This woman exclaimed that she felt “high” … “really high” and she asked me … “is this Reiki? Is this Reiki that is making me feel high?” I answered her that she was feeling the natural high of her energy body.

I was delighted at this point.

In less than an hour, again … a large group of women went from one side of the spectrum of energy to another side of the spectrum of energy. They went from stressed out to blessed out. It was wonderful to experience.

I left knowing what I felt. I felt great happiness. I thought that perhaps I am an art teacher instead of a Reiki teacher.

What would the heart do ...

2011-04-07T11:48:00.000-07:00

What would the heart do if you decided to really grow?

The heart would rise to 'unmeasurable' heights, it would fall to 'unmeasurable' depths, it would expand to 'unmeasurable' widths and it would beat beyond any capacity that you have known in any previous moment. The heart would reach to the ends of time to gather together the very best of you. The heart would reach from the beginning of the first moment to gather together the very best of you. The heart would call to the angels and the demons for surrender. The heart would support each and every breath that you take with light and love. The heart would open and reveal the soul. The heart would love you ... always and in all ways as you are and of course as you will be too.

So grow, grow now ... grow as you want to ... grow as you should grow, grow as you are called to ... grow now ... just GROW.

Reiki Blue ... with Yoga Blue

2011-03-28T22:03:00.000-07:00

Prototypes Womens Center: Breathing and Sharing. 3.14.11

Please visit Yoga Blue @ www/yogablue.org ... it doesn't want to link for some reason. Thank you!

by Laurel on March 16, 2011

I have had the pleasure of working with Allee Stillman at Prototypes over the past several months. Working with Allee is really playing with Allee. Working with essential oils is bliss. Sharing such a profound experience of aromatherapy with the amazing women of Prototype’s has been so inspiring and so sweet.

I have wanted to offer Reiki at Prototype’s since before the first day I played there with Allee. I have wanted into the women’s recovery community to help in some way, any way for almost two decades. Assisting as I have has been richly rewarding, and I wanted to introduce the women of Prototype’s to self healing with Reiki.

My lineage in Reiki is that of Master Mikao Usui, the founder of the way of Reiki. Reiki is a Japanese name and when translated means “universal life force energy”. Master Usui said that Reiki is the container of consciousness. Master Usui also called Reiki “The Art of Inviting Happiness”. Who wouldn’t want to share this? I do. I share Reiki every chance I get.

I immediately shared my desire with Allee and then with Winifred. Both of these sweet women were completely receptive and enthusiastic about this possibility. My first day of sharing Reiki with the women of Prototype’s was yesterday, March 14th, 2011. I was blessed to be joined by Allee, her way of playing back with me I guess.

As usual at Prototype’s, when it is time to start a group gathering with the women immense energy enters along with them. The women enter a large room from two different doors and just about every mood that you can imagine comes with these women. Some of the women are wild with energy, some are exhausted. Some of the women are totally stressed out, some are calm and composed. Some of the women are sweet and tolerant; some are not sweet and tolerant yet.

Getting the group settled in is an interesting task and it can be ongoing. The purpose of my time with these women was to introduce them to a basic awareness of the energy body, the chakra system, the aura. I had a sense about the effort required to discuss energy healing with 15-18 woman, in one hour to work with and all of the above to deal with … my approach needed to be solid.

I suggested breath work first, with deep exhales pushed out to the count of 7 followed by simply allowing the inhale to respond to the count of 7. We went for a series of 6 of these deep breaths and I then asked these women to feel the center of their body, in the chest and to feel the beat of their heart. Two thirds of this group had completely different energy. Of these two thirds they were remarkably calmer and more balanced.

We stayed in the deep breath work and the heart beat while I shared with them about the chakra systems and its beautiful spheres of vibrant colors. I mapped the location of each chakra and introduced the women to the idea of the aura that wraps around their physical body. I suggested to them that they controlled this energy with their breath and they loved this possibility.

Over all and over a short amount of time, the majority of the women in the group were relaxed, more aware of their surroundings, more able to define what they were really feeling, they were more present in their bodies. We stayed with the deep breathing and feeling the heart beat in the chest and this time I was able to talk uninterrupted as they were more focused and more responsive.

One of the women mentioned that she had been stressed and deeply saddened because she was missing her children. She said that she had been very emotional but with the breathing and the energy connection she felt better. I shared with her that because her babies were from her body, that the calm state of her body could be shared with her children from a distance. This became very important to this woman and to a lot of the women in the group.

I shared a story of a time when my grown son was very ill in the hospital. I was unable to visit my son but I spent each evening while he was healing, sending him Reiki from afar. I shared with these women, that I would hold a teddy bear like it was my son when he was a baby and I would rock the bear while sending Reiki to my son. I shared that my son felt this in his hospital bed miles away, the rocking and the healing of his body. I did not tell my son what I was doing exactly, but he knew somehow what I was doing and he could feel it. He could feel my love, my calming presence and he could feel the healing energy of Reiki.

The women who had babies and children left that group gathering with the plan to calm themselves first and then send the calm feeling to their babies and children. I had no plan to tell the story of my grown son and using Reiki on him. Seeing the way these women all responded to the story … I couldn’t have planned better than that.

I can’t wait to go back to Prototype’s.

The Old Woman Weaving

2010-12-16T20:11:00.000-08:00

a poem from a dream ... two years ago

one night time while the strong winds came to whistle and to sing
I dreamed of an old woman weaving with sparkling star lit string
weaving the wisdom of the ancestors and their sacred ancient ways
she told me a story of life and death, and the world in the in between days

she spoke of legend and lore, dreams awakened and dreams true
she taught me lessons with value to me, to know what I should do
the old stories were wild and vivid, as she sat low beside a fire
she wanted me to stay free from the aches of my human desire

that night as she was weaving I saw this and it was true
as she sat and spoke so softly, from her lap an animal grew
from the cloth that she was holding, in her hands I started to see
a lynx and a coyote - a strange mix, that she was weaving just for me

as I sat in full attention, without a twitch, not missing a sound
the old woman, she clearly saw me and by her eyes I was completely bound
she looked clear and straight into me as she gave comfort to this animal mix
in this medicine weave she made certain that I noticed what I needed to fix

the lynx she said will give you the secrets of the magical medicine ways
the lynx she said will teach you who to trust in your night and your days
the lynx will hold your tongue for you, so you will be silent and not make a sound
the lynx is crawling in you, yours tracks are different when your feet hit the ground

the coyote is the trickster, the one who runs and plays the odd game
the one that sings the songs at night that connect lonely ones to their shame
the coyote is your worker now, the coyote energy is not that of you
the coyote keeps you safe in knowing, to keep the eye on what other coyotes may do

the old woman then stood before me and she approached me with a walk of grace
she placed the animal medicine on me, wrapped me tightly and then cradled my face
she said this dream, this medicine is yours now you are the weaver of the ancient way
get up, you were awake with me all along as this night has turned into this day

don't resist your passion

2010-12-03T10:34:00.000-08:00

Much like a rainstorm rolls onto the vast landscape of a desert,
there is a passion that rolls into the vast lovescape of your soul.

As a rainstorm brings sweet moisture to the land, to the earth,
the passion that rolls into you brings to you a greater life essence for you to fill up with.

The desert does not resist the rainstorm.
Make sure that you don’t resist your passion.

ah ha ... one post in October

2010-11-05T10:44:00.000-07:00

I let the light have its way with me ...

there is peace in the breath

2010-10-02T03:00:00.000-07:00

Laurel Lyons

Life will bring you everything that you need, including great moments of challenge and moments of great challenge. These moments will bind you to your ways. Whether they are good ways or not so good ways depends upon the focus of your life. Basic "attraction" stuff.

There is peace in the breath.

It rarely matters what the nature of the challenge is, when challenge brings fear with it ... often the first “feeling" that shows up, even if only for a second we restrict ourselves. Depending on our "practice" we may choose to react to the challenge, by way of fear.

There is peace in the breath.

Our "practice" ~ if you are aged enough (years are not the dominant factor of age, age equating to wisdom here) to recognize "challenge" you are most likely aged enough to establish some kind of a practice. A basic practice of "self awareness" is deep breath. By simply breathing deeply, you have the power to remove fear. Breath supports the body to be present in the moment of now.

There is peace in the breath.

Practice breathing, practice deep breathing ... the kind of breathing that if you are not doing it, it will make your head spin when you do it. Find in that deep breath the essence of life, the essence of your own life. In that moment the only life that matters is your own. That is your empowerment, the understanding that your own life matters.

There is peace in the breath.

When you balance anything from the place of being able to value your own life you establish your connection to the Divine. In that connection is gratitude, vitality, inspiration and more aliveness in this life awareness. The deep breathing that supports greater life awareness will bring with it sanctity, surrender and solution.

There is peace in the breath.

In that peace there is forgiveness too.

(my morning ramblings from August 27th ... from the lessons "remembered" from yesterday's challenges. I am grateful.)

GET UNSTUCK !!!

2010-09-11T08:50:00.000-07:00

Shake it loose, let it go, walk away, move along, face the shit, clean it up, make a change, ask yourself "WTF"?

Then ... breathe deeply, really deeply more than many times ... and aim at authentic, honest, vulnerable, creative, LOVE, ease, health, vitality, CONSCIOUSNESS ... compliance, resilience, devotion TO SELF, forgiveness OF SELF, LOVE (yes more of it) and then more LOVE.

Get out of the old way, get out of your own way. Get out of the way .. here is one for you, you are not in the way as life goes on leaving you behind. You are only in the way of yourself.

This was prompted when I saw the visual images of the Twin Towers, billowing smoke above the NYC skyline. I was initially perplexed, I had to double check to see what I was seeing. Our media ... designed to stimulate our "follower/sufferer/victim" collective. Because so many of us are STUCK in the "follower/sufferer/victim" ways.

NINE YEARS ...

Globally ... not now.
Nationally ... not now.
Regionally ... not now.
Locally ... not now.

CENTERED in the HEART ... now ... how have you changed for the better?

Here is another one ... now ... how have you resisted change, change for the better? What are you still doing, still supporting (acting as a life support system for something dying, something that died long ago) that you know you should get "unstuck" from?

GET IT OUT ... GET IT OVER WITH ... GET UNSTUCK ... MOVE ON !!!

For you !!!

gearing up ... again

2010-09-03T08:55:00.000-07:00

The dream world ...

We are heading into another series of the "Revelation Dreaming - Dream Medicine" workshops and my soul and psyche are already on task. I detailed my bedroom last week for the dream altar energy and for a clear table for my dream journal and all of my dream potential to come to be ... again and again and again ... always getting better, going deeper, wider, higher, clearer, and so much more, there is always so much more ... yes!

These workshops are the most incredible vacations, other world destinations, life style realizations, great life manifestations ... living the mundane EMANCIPATIONS ... living the world of profound fascination, falling asleep with magic incantations ... to set you up for astounding creations ...

I AM IN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

flatlined emotions ...

2010-09-03T08:24:00.000-07:00

In a dream last night I was walking through a dark room when I noticed someone sitting in a chair in a corner. The person was slumped over in the chair, with no vital energy in their being. Their only activity was that they were tapping on their heart, small rhythmic taps like the ones people use for EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique).

At first I couldn't tell who the person was, due to the darkness of the room and the posture (being slumped over) that the person was sitting in.

I asked the person what they were doing. The person said "my emotions have stopped, they stopped so long ago I cannot remember what emotions really are". I asked the person why they were tapping on their chest and they said "I am hoping to get my emotions started again, so that I can feel something. I think that my emotions have flat lined".

I told the person that tapping on the chest was not going to work in turning on the emotions again. I told the person that facing life, in an upright posture would turn their emotions on again. The person said "it was necessary to turn off my emotions at one point in life, it was necessary to make it through, through life, through pain".

I told the person "flat lining emotions is a tendency, not a necessity", and when I said this the person finally looked up and at me. The dark, shadowy room crumbled away, with everything in it falling into a large void, including the person in the chair. Everything turned to a golden yellow glow around me and the sun was shining brightly after that. I could feel warmth in place of the cold of the dark, shadowy room. I was left standing on nothing, perched on energy with my feet directly below me like I was hovering in the air.

I looked for the person, concerned that they had fallen into the void. I could see the person laying on a shoreline, like they had been washed in the water, up onto dry sand. The person stood upright and walked away, pushing their hair out of the face and standing taller with each step that they took.

This dream really stuck with me.

Tendency: a natural or prevailing disposition to move, proceed, or act in some direction or toward some point, end, or result: an inclination, or predisposition to something:

Necessity: something necessary or indispensable: food, shelter, and other necessities of life. the fact of being necessary or indispensable; indispensability:
an imperative requirement or need for something: the state or fact of being necessary or inevitable: an unavoidable need or compulsion to do something:

Tendency ... a choice.

Necessity ... an imperative requirement.

Emotion: an affective state of consciousness in which joy, sorrow, fear, hate, or the like, is experienced, as distinguished from cognitive and volitional states of consciousness. any strong agitation of the feelings actuated by experiencing love, hate, fear, etc., and usually accompanied by certain physiological changes, as increased heartbeat or respiration, and often overt manifestation, as crying or shaking.

Turning off emotions ... by choice not by necessity.

The back route ... ceasing the opportunities for joy, sorrow, fear, hate or the like or the love that bring emotion.

Still processing.

today while shopping ...

2010-09-02T19:14:00.001-07:00

Today while shopping I noticed a display of beautiful journals, more beautiful journals to choose from than I had seen in a long time. While looking through them to see if there was one that I couldn't live without, I was approached by a very sweet man. This man asked me if I was going to treat myself to a new journal. I told him that I was considering it. He asked me if I am a journal writer or if journal writing would be a new adventure for me. I shared with him that I teach journal writing as a sacred practice, as a way of tracking dreams, as record keeper for all forms of rites of passage ... life is a continuum of rites of passage. He was impressed and delighted that I was a journal writer.

He shared with me that he had recently given one of his nieces a new journal to track her life. He gave the journal as a high school graduation gift. He said that he told his niece to start a journal now, so that when she wanted to write her memoirs they would be easier to remember. He told her that she should get out and have a good life, a life worth writing about. He said that he told her that she should only write about the good in life and never about the bad.

I had much to share with this man, as I too believe that we should only track the good in life. I shared with this man about my "ah ha" when my grandchildren were born ... that I must only write the good and the loving and the special things in my life, because one day my grandchildren may read my journals. I told the man that I realized that I want to be known for having lived a life worth living.

This man agreed.

He then asked me if I noticed that when I only started writing about the good, that more good came into my life? I let him know that my entire life changed for the better and that I am so grateful that I took the time to record the changes, the good and only the good, the day to day ways that my life has improved.

It was so amazing to talk with this man. He was such a kindred spirit, it was almost like I was talking to myself at times. He was such a messenger.

So here it is ... for the kabillionth time ... do you use a journal?

Yes. Good ... now try tracking only the good things that happen in your life.

No. Good ... start today and track only the good things that happen in your life.

Report back to yourself in a month, in a season, in a full round of seasons.

Oh and if you want a good journal, Lassen's in Ventura has some beautiful journals for you to choose from.

I purchased a beautiful journal with a stained glass, style image of Mother Mary on the front cover. I usually use an artists journal and have one that I load daily with only the good. I call my artists journal my "dream catcher" ... thanks to the inspiration from "JVM" years ago, when he gave me my first "dream catcher". I've caught so many dreams over so many years, that they have all started to come true.

So the reason for the Mother Mary journal is this ... I am going to start my memoirs. The Memoirs of ... The Memoirs of ... The Memoirs of ... I know, and you may find out later.

from 9 years ago ...

2010-08-28T10:12:00.000-07:00

this is a night

reeling in the effects of core blasting confusion, frustration
more than need be taken on by my gentle soul,
what is the cause of this? you know, don't you
divine external structure
places music in my ear
ah, listening to the delight of a primal bass groove
it is she - the me, the only offer for my immediate gratification

this is a night

listening loud
I can't hear my mind scattering endless nonsense
my soul cries
as a fierce storm rolls off of the desert
my heart. that love, passion
is a note away, away. always away

this is a night

listening loud
it gives my body an expression
matching the movements that
I would love to place on someone

this is a night
one that causes angels to watch closely to see what humans do

this is a night
one that causes angels to watch closely to see what falls out of abandon

this is a night
one that causes angels to watch closely to see what humans create

this is a night
one that I would capture a soul like you
and I would stretch you to comply with my desires

Written on a hot night at summers end 2001

The Essence of My Rich Soul

2010-08-16T19:40:00.000-07:00

I’ve help birth the sweetest of babies
I’ve sliced open the assassin’s throat
I’ve hung on the edge of crumbling buildings
I’ve seen the strangest things just float

I’ve raged inside as my tribe died
to circle in later to scalp more than a few
I’ve kissed a hundred men and women
I've needed moisture from the morning dew

I’ve witness senseless, brutal killings
I’ve seen entire villages set free
I’ve done all of this just watching
as my dreams come play with me

In the silence of my slumber
In the early morning light
I seen the darkest entities wonder
why I never seem to fright

I’ve run high above in the Moon light
and then been pulled to the Earth’s soft core
I’ve been called by God to enter
I’ve been pressed at Satan’s door

I’ve never stalled my dreams with boundaries
for these trips I would pay a great toll
for in my dreams I am experiencing
the depth and essence of my rich soul

(C) Laurel Lyons – Oneironaut
Inspired by the Lucid Dream Workshop
February 25, 2010

(Written with love, protected by Karma)

3:15 ... 3:16 ... 3:43 ... lost in time, so be it

2010-08-15T07:29:00.001-07:00

Just that quickly the month is half over and I thank Goddess that I live by the sun and moon cycles and not the clock or the calendar. Yes, I do schedule by man's made organizers and reluctantly I do so. By New Moon I am only a week into it.

For the rambling, non-sense of this it was a strange week. I hit the ground running a week ago today (Sunday) and stalled in a vivid reality of aimless emotions by evening of the same day. I was glad that I saw that my emotions had no real direction and I adjusted accordingly.

I needed rest on Monday and got it, took it I should say.

I hit the ground running on Tuesday, even when a mild concussion smacked me good and hard, that didn't force its wicked ways on me until night time slumber sat in and I just continued to pause from there. OK it forced its ways on me, hard headed as I am. I just didn't go down to it, even with an ugly knot on my head and an irritating ringing in my ears (I hear "messages" and I just didn't hear this one).

Pause ... surrender ... cease ... hindsight.

Cease ... surrender ... pause ... full sight.

The concussion was like a concentrated mercury in retrograde kind of an ordeal for me. I was confused, disoriented, diminished (to a former self), emotional and exhausted. If I reached or it, it fell out of my hands. If I walked towards it I forgot why. If I figured it out, it changed its figures. I resorted to old ways (angst, frustration, overwhelm) that I thought were long gone from my softer, sweeter approach to life.

The brain - research on Friday informed me that the bump on the head, causing the concussion created the chemical flow of fear hormones in my body. That fear projected me to (and as I write the word projected I hear protected in my mind) the emotions that surround fear. The emotions that come from the brain injury, and its confusion and disorientation run wild in a wounded mind. The wounded mind cannot say stop until it is healed.

Am I healed?

But wait ...

So many people walk around like they are experiencing the after effects of a head injury. We see them all of the time, as they react from the fear in their bodies with extreme emotions, confused states of being from a wild, wounded mind.

Is it from the wild, wounded mind or is it the basic wounded heart? There are possible more wounded hearts out there.

Minor head injury.
Minor heart injury.

Source/Spirit has been working on me for the last two months, showing me the need to energetically work on the healing of the human from the over load of life long chemistry saturation. From the "nudge" of Source, I see it clearly in the beautiful, sensitive humans that come my way. I believe that my concussion was a great pivot point for me to see, a fresh ... refreshed view of the human chemistry system. After all, chemistry is energy ... energy runs in the body ... energy healing helps heal the body.

How did I heal myself from the concussion, and the greater need for healing of the chemistry of fear? I loved myself enough to nurture myself back to fearless.

Fearless.

Fear less.

Day twelve ... 3:15 Experiment

2010-08-12T09:32:00.000-07:00

She is coming to me early, helping me sort things out once again.

In a dream I had been processing release, how to release and still hold on, but more than that, how to serve the highest good while honoring myself. Gayle came into the dream, walking around a corner into the room where I was standing. She looked great. Gayle asked me "didn't you learn enough from me?" She continued on to say "didn't you learn enough about unconditional love and the quality of detachment from outcome. Come on Laurel, remember". I started to cry in the dream and Gayle placed her arm around me and said "it's all going to be alright. Hasn't everything turned out alright?" Gayle then said "let's sit on your deck for awhile".

I woke up crying, to the alarm at 3:15 and I cringed. All that I could think about was letting go and how much it sucks to let go when you think that you don't want to.

Ah yes, surrender.
Ah yes, release.

"Don't worry about a thing, 'cause every little thing is gonna be alright". Bob Marley was in my room for a minute.

I remembered Maccan Harshaw, a wonderful woman that I encountered years ago. I could hear her southern drawl tell me "remember, some believe that the greatest strength comes from holding on. Others know that the greater strength comes from letting go."

Gayle and Maccan, such incredible women, teaching me.

I asked myself what I had to write about when it all seemed so clear.

Day eleven ... 3:15 Experiment

2010-08-11T18:01:00.000-07:00

Sleeping finally, but then awake. I thought I turned it off (the alarm), seems I have something to say.

Anger, but not riled up. I woke up this way.

Is it the bump on the head?

If fear provokes anger, what provoked this?

What is the fear that I face?

My son's independence, he was my target.

Making his own decisions now, whether in agreement or not. I raised him to support his own convictions ... to be his own person ... to question authority, even when the authority is me and especially when I am wrong.

I am wrong.

I will apologize in the morning.

3:32 (cranky)

ah yes ...

2010-08-07T19:46:00.001-07:00

There is nothing wrong with things going right. It really is amazing what can happen. I pledged to a number of things a number of years ago ... and I pledged hard and true.

I had wanted change before.

I needed change then.

I pledged to stop living in my past.
I pledged to stop living vicariously through my higher self.
I pledged to step up and be the woman that I was born to be.
That woman is a healer, that woman is a witch, that woman is intuitive, sensitive and compassionate, that woman is a visionary, that woman is a delicate creature with a vivid soul and a vital nature.
I pledged to not let another person decide what I wasn't.
I pledged to erase the lines of cruelty.
I pledged to end NAGative thinking, being, doing, saying.
I pledged that I would never be treated badly. (Thank you Daddy, I needed that talk with you in the kitchen that night).
I pledged to face my challenges.
I pledged to face my fears.
I pledged to enhance and increase my vulnerabilities.

I had no idea what this (and more) would mean.

Today it means everything.

I love.
I grow.
I heal.
I change.
I help.
I learn.
I teach.

It has been a day.

I have inhaled it, as a response.

This is a "pages wide open" journal entry.

Dedicated to ME.

I am so glad that I got tired of the old ways.

Day four ... 3:15 Experiment

2010-08-04T16:58:00.000-07:00

to know what you want
and to be told to wait
is like being a race horse
tied to a gate

Missed the clock ...

2010-08-03T19:48:00.000-07:00

sleep is so good.

Well ... Day two - 3:15 Experiment

2010-08-02T05:50:00.000-07:00

There you are again, slipping into a viewing view. Your "ways" that you are showing me are most lovingly exposing you. You are showing me the portal to your soul, often in a dream and just as often, if not more often now in the waking world, during the moments when your integrity steams.

Why a poem, that is so hard to follow? I don't know.

This is not a poem. If it is, it is a really bad one.

I am off the pages and onto the sheets, even with these pages that are huge.

Dozing on and off.

Too tired for tomorrow that isn't even here.

You are a beautiful man ... loved for your beauty.

Whether the waking walk or in my dreams, you are showing up. Goddess knows I appreciate that. Please know that I appreciate you.

3:37

My God ... you are beautiful.

Day One ... 3:15 Experiment

2010-08-01T06:41:00.000-07:00

First Post ... barely readable ...

What if we were always at the beginning of everything and at the end of nothing?

Stuck in a perpetual creation cycle.
Held to the momentum of a constant new beginning.
Living in an endless Spring.
Suspended in a constant burst of inspiration.
Always moving on the rise of a wave.
Continuously poised for the deep inhale.
Our bodies frozen in the first big step.
Arms wide open for a hug that never connects.

Why do many of us live that way, stuck in what we see as the best of all things. The best of all things being the beginning. How many times have you heard someone say "but it was so good in the beginning" ... or "I wish it was like it used to be". Worst yet ... "I need to hold on" ... "wait".

Being stuck in a beginning sounds ridiculous when it is set up that way, yet avoiding change, avoiding truth, avoiding reality is in effect like avoiding your world. It is like giving the directions to the greatest good "stop the world and let me off".

To get "unstuck" means to accept change.

What is the purpose in prolonging an end? It is a natural flow of beginning, middle and then comes that wonderful end. The wonderful end front loads the next great beginning.

The possible set up for the first 3:15 Experiment entry ...

I had a dream last night that I kept handing a man a baby. The baby was adorable. Each time I would hand the man the baby, the man would place the baby under a bed. I would come back into the room, get the baby out from under the bed, love the baby up and hand the baby to the man. The man would place the baby back under the bed again. This continued on a number of times. The baby was growing smaller and was not happy. I finally left the bedroom with the baby, telling the man "why would you want a baby to grow up like this, placing its potential on hold like that?".

This is where the idea for the 3:15 post surely came in.

New beginnings are wonderful.
They cannot be stalled however. We cannot postpone their fullness.

Would the peach stay perfect on the branch?

We must allow the growth of new beginnings.

We must also trust and allow endings.

A beginning comes to a natural end. An ending comes to the next natural beginning.

August 1 ... my first rambling entry for the 3:15 experiment. I'm IN ... heading towards wild creative flow from a partially loaded, sleepy mind.

I will face the direction of the east today ... the direction of new beginnings and I will state my gratitude for my last ending there.

ok ...

2010-07-30T09:28:00.001-07:00

2010 ... 7 months into it ... has been the best year of my life. I pledged to so many things and I have seen so many things come my way, so many more than I called for. I had almost forgotten about this blog. A number of friends are moving their blogs over to another site and this sparked my interest in blogging again. This past week I spent a late night reading my blog from beginning to previous entry of "Roe vs Wade".

I have loved this blog and this blog has loved me.

I have gone back and forth with the idea of a newsletter as I have grown. I just don't resonate with a newsletter, yet. I keep coming back to this blog as it feels like home to me and for me.

I am coming up on the annual celebration of Gayle's life, it's that time of the year and I am called to celebrate part of it here, with loyalty and continued devotion and my never ending ... only growing love for her. (Jamie ... I love you and I always will, when you read this know this).

I am so grateful. Here come the tears.

I am going to open the pages of this public journal again.

I am going to open myself to this exposed form of healing.

Roe vs Wade ...

2010-01-23T09:47:00.000-08:00

Ah ... the social DIS-EASE of ABORTION ...

Abortion is a medical procedure. The depth of illness prior to the necessity of this medical procedure and the healing needed after the anesthesia wears off is of my concern. This forms from my passions and my loving service to see people empowered, capable and responsible.

I do feel that abortion for birth control is wrong. These women should be made to feel ... made to feel what? Clearly they do not feel at this point. This is another DIS-EASE OF SOCIETY. Abortion is the medical procedure to cure that DIS-EASE too. Again this is about the depth of illness prior to and after the procedure itself.

HERE IS MY SOAP BOX ... THE GIRLS and boys for that matter.

I do know that there are far too many young women a.k.a. GIRLS out there who are taking a brutal beating from the opinionated conservative masses. This beating is based on ignorance (as most beatings are) of far too many opinion makers. These opinion makers, don't have a clue or a care of what that individual's decision making requirements were, but they are judging, condemning and casting negativity upon them. If they cared they would look at and focus on the DIS-EASES of SOCIETY first.

This mass opinion of a conventional and oppressive main stream ... casting DOWN on one GIRL at a time (it is one female at a time that is broken down by this) is ruthless and wrong.

Yes, these GIRLS may have made poor choices to find a concept of love, LOVE ... that turned into an unwanted pregnancy. These GIRLS were not finding even a CONCEPT of love in their families, from their parents ... while having no guidance or support or clearly they would not have created the force that potentially ruins their future. When this choice is made in a moment of conflict ... sex for love ... or love for sex ... yes for these girls it is the contrast of wrong for right or right for wrong ... and in that moment, in that desire "THEIR FUTURE" is not in the mix. The sex for love is a topical balm for the deep healing that they need.

NOTHING calls on my warrior posture in such a way as to see the Prayer Righteous Protestor's standing outside of our local abortion clinic every Wednesday morning rain or shine, casting silent judgment on any and all who cross their picket line. I have stopped to talk to them and face to face they have no power, they rarely even have a voice. It is by the group measure that they project shame. I have never seen just one of them. Well, it is just one GIRL making that decision to lay on that cold table to eliminate the SOCIAL DIS-EASE that she has created. Remember that she did not create it alone ... the young man was there and her parents were there too, the residue of her parents lack of love that is.

I have asked those Prayer Righteous Protester's if they frequent the anti-war demonstration. WAR being another SOCIAL DIS-EASE. I have NEVER heard one of them say "oh yes ... I was there yesterday, last week or last month". You don't see war protester's out every Wednesday. What is their true value for human life if they are not equally concerned about a young soldier?

The energy wasted on the subject of ABORTION ... would be of better use focused on a child ... prior to their infection of any SOCIAL DIS-EASE.

Babies making babies ... that is my concern.

The Devil ...

2009-12-05T11:13:00.000-08:00

If we accept the concept that we are all creators of our own personal world, then the character we call the "devil" is more realistically a project of our own minds. This poor devil has been accused of many misfortunes. Any negative action that occurs in the world today is often laid at his doorstep. Isn't it time we stepped forth and repudiated this blame for the ills of society? We must take our rightful place in the scheme of things and the responsibility that goes with it. No one wants to be the bad guy each is quick to point his finger at others for the problems that abound. Let's be accountable to ourselves and others. Let's create a positive concept and offer better solution to our troubles. We can then lay to rest the illusion of the devil, and we may find we really didn't need him anyway.

Borrowed from Creative Thoughts for Inner Peace by William H. Thompson

123

2009-12-03T05:02:00.000-08:00

wide awake early from a bump in the night
not frightened or worried, aware with insight
a call to awaken in the early morning hours
to access the focus of Spirit's great powers

these Powers are subtle when given by Source
never to be thrown around or scattered with force
rare when they are needed but important when I do
stir up some magik and cast its work through

through holes in the darkness or blocks in the light
through concepts of righteousness for the freedom of rights
when called to awakening when upright or down
I get up and cast the circle and place my feet on the ground

the sounds that I heard were not scary, they were sweet
they moved me to get up and stand on my feet
to create this day’s destiny before the morning Sun
to be present with gratitude that the Creator and I are one

we are one in the love that we both hold so true
the love that is calling to each one of you
the love that is waiting to purify this Earth
the love that is hoping that you will recognize your worth

wide awake early from a bump in the dark
surrounded in smoke from Red Willow‘s bark
the wish that was cast between the Creator and me
is that you will wake up and stand with Great Spirit and me

in the early morning hours of 123 (December 3, 2009)

123

Gratitude to my Tribe ,,, thanks (for) giving

2009-11-27T16:18:00.001-08:00

Spirit woke me last night (or so I dreamed) and asked me if I had started my gratitude list yet. I told Spirit that I had been working on it for days, just for Thanksgiving alone.

I dreamed for awhile that as I was compiling my list and in my dream many of you were walking through the room (that I was dreaming in) and saying "Hi" to me. This caused me to start writing each of your names down on the list.

I shared with Spirit that I would be writing a list for days if I listed one by one the amazing people that have come my way over the past year, just since last Thanksgiving. I shared with Spirit my gratitude for each of you. I could feel my heart grow in my dream.

Spirit said ... "whether they have been a cameo presence, a constant visitor or if they are a daily experience in all of your moments and reasons to be, let them know you value them for who they are".

I then woke from this dream and more fully realized my immense gratitude for the people that have come into my life just since last Thanksgiving Day. I am writing this with a tissue in hand ... using the tissues to dry my tears of joy.

If you receiving a gratitude statement in the form of an email you have created beauty in my life by sharing your love with me. I am so very blessed by the presence of you in my life and I would like to thank you for your presence in my dreaming and awakening of GRATITUDE.

There are hundreds more that have walked a ways with me who did not receive this in the form of an email. To those if you know me and your heart beat a bit faster during the time that you read this blog entry, I am grateful for you too.

Gratitude is the elixir of happiness and it is a complete healing balm.

North

2009-11-27T14:47:00.001-08:00

Of all of the medicine pieces that I have gathered together over the years; feathers, rocks, shells, crystals, an assortment of totems and talisman and other random tangible tracers of time and place, perhaps the most important one is my compass. I am not short on sacred medicine pieces, I have a full supply. I want to call myself a Spiritual Pharmacist and I laugh as I wonder if I am some form of a sacred medicine hypochondriac.

During the Spiritually dry spell in my life when I acted more like a rock than a sponge, when I allowed an entity other than Spirit to try to define me I took down my altar and I hid or cloaked my goods. During that time I forgot for a vital second who I was and then choose to continue to forget for awhile longer. I maintained contact with one piece that seemed to hold me to my truth. That one piece was a compass, a cheap plastic and aluminum fifty cent piece sized compass.

I was lost.

I called on that compass hundreds of times to simply line me up with the direction of “North”. “North” is the direction of all directions. I believed that somehow if I knew where North was I would be able to get back on path somehow. Some days all I needed to know was that North was “that way”. Other days I would stand in the direction facing North and ask that “the direction of all directions lead me”. There were days when I would have to stand with the compass and make sure for certain that the needle lined up perfectly with the capital “N” placed at quarter mark in the circle.

One day long after I was found, I looked at my compass that sat front and center at my altar … my prayer space. It sat with a number of other sacred items and I realized with great gratitude that it was “North”, the direction of all directions that placed me at center. “North” and all of the directions that co-create center with the “North” brought me home again.

Here is a suggestion … the next time you are out shopping for a new crystal or talisman, scavenging the shore lines and the hillsides for a stone or rock or the next time you need connection to Source go to a local sporting goods store and buy a compass. It’s hard to find a good cheap compass but it is worth the money to have one. You would spend $25 on a nice crystal, spend $20 on a good land compass.

Take the compass home and stand in your yard or on your deck or balcony. Lay the compass flat in your palm and spin around in circles until you line up that needle with the direction “North”. When you find “North” look out into the northern realm of your life and say thank you. Turn to the “East” and look out into the eastern realm of your life and say thank you again. Repeat this with “South” and “West”. Yes there is an order to follow while calling in the great circle around you.

When you have completed your gratitude circle of the four directions, don’t forget there are a few more. Look up into the vast sky realm of your life and say thank you. Look down and imagine that you can see the molten core of our Mother Earth realm and say thank you.

Now take another moment or ten, to connect to all of these directions “N, E, S, W, above and below and call in the energy of this sanctuary that you have just built. Call the energy in to the seventh direction. This seventh direction is the direction that takes you within. The direction of within is centered in your heart and soul. Your heart and soul is centered in all of these other directions. When you are at the center realm of your life say thank you to yourself.

Law and secrets ...

2009-11-27T14:43:00.000-08:00

"The LAW of Attraction" and "The SECRET" are great additions to the "New Age" bookshelf.

The Law of Attraction brings the information to the masses that thoughts are things. It is basic knowledge for those who know that "you are your thoughts". If thoughts are negative your surroundings will be negative and if thoughts are positive your surroundings will be positive.

The Secret has given millions of people a permission slip to start heading towards the light. That in itself has been of great benefit to us all. Looking back to the release date of The Secret, it provided a push in momentum for the shift that many of us are witnessing and are so grateful for now. More and more people are accepting of the light and many more people are living in the light.

Last night in a lucid dream I heard "THE LAW and THE SECRET only worked then". Of course I wondered what that message was about so I asked. I was told that the terms are too strong. The Law enforces demand and The Secret implies that it is not common knowledge; therefore many people will still naturally resist this information even knowing innately that it will serve their highest good to know it. Some people are not connected to their innate ability.

My thoughts of this dream after awakening connected me to the control of organized religion. Religion was created by the ruling forces of the growing world to control the masses. Laws were created to restrict the greater number of Spiritual practices held sacred by the people. These laws were created in secret meetings by secret societies, held with such secure measure that many people didn't even know the laws until after they had broken them. This was the development of CHURCH and STATE being one.

Back to the dream, the final message in the dream was this "there is no need to place laws on this movement ... it is a cooperative. there is no need to whisper any of it ... just speak the words softly in a clear voice." That message left me with the feeling and the greater understanding of what this movement is all about. It is about LOVE, just love.

I don't want anyone to think I am being critical of Ester Hicks or the creators of The Secret. I have followed The Law of Attraction for years, I own most of the Abraham-Hicks work, and I have seen Ester Hicks channel Abraham... amazing!!! I receive the daily message in my email box every day.
I watched The Secret twice and I am grateful when I acknowledge its powerful and precise messages. I didn't read the book and I have recommended it as required reading to many, many people just beginning their Spiritual growth.

Written November 13, 2009

Morning 14 - The 3:15 Experiment

2009-08-16T20:00:00.000-07:00

You can have all of the problems that you want to have. You can have all that you want and you can import them in from other people too if you feel like you don't have enough of your own, they will let you.

If you have done this well already, stocked up on your own problems and brought in a large number of other peoples problems, you have done a great job. You have run this import business very well.

Now is the time to change jobs.

Go into the export business today.

8/14 @ 3:23

Morning 13 - The 3:15 Experiment

2009-08-16T19:51:00.000-07:00

What really matters?

What are you doing for others that you aren't doing for yourself?
What can you change in someone else?
What would you do differently?
What is the most important thing that you do?
What matters in the end?

The answer to all of these questions is LOVE.

It's always important. Good or not good love yourself (first). Let that person be ... be ... be yourself. All problems in the past are related to loving enough or yourself not enough. Starting with yourself love yourself enough and in the end the heart may stop but the love continues to grow.

Morning 12 - The 3:15 Experiment

2009-08-16T19:37:00.001-07:00

(((ah that's a great dream ))) ... ((( thinking I would perhaps write about it, it vanished while finding my pen, paper ... POOF!!!)

Being a dream lover I will believe that my dream set me up for this. Was my subconscious mind protecting that dream, pulled from my memory at the instant of waking to write about it?

Our dreams ... awakening ... our awakening.

Are most people forgetting their dreams when they wake?

Get a dream journal, place it by your bed. Write down what you do remember. Well it didn't do me any good this morning. So live your dreams that you do remember.

Now, where is that little dream hiding? I am going back to sleep to see if I can find it. Am I living it now while I am sleeping or awake?

Day dreams and night dreams. All dreams are really one giant dream. Live with passion from the heart and all your dreams are dreamed awake.

8/12 @ 3:43

Morning 10 - The 3:15 Experiment

2009-08-10T20:17:00.000-07:00

Nothing ... there is nothing. Sleep.

8/10 @ 3:31

Morning 9 - The 3:15 Experiment

2009-08-10T20:14:00.000-07:00

Housework it is never done
it gets in the way of so much fun
There’s often a dish in the sink
if my son needs to clean it, it causes a kink

I can get the work done
it’s a matter of time
Holding my son responsible
is like accusing him of a crime

Just a simple task, a sweeping
to clear up what’s on the floor
Becomes a deep, mean insult
and he’ll even up the score

Couldn’t it be that he’s 14
and he’s going thru puberty
Or is he destined here for slacking
past the year of thirty-three

Is it conjured in pure malice
the fact that he won’t clean a spoon
He completes a job so rarely
I think once on the last blue moon

So we battle and we scuffle
and we bout and I give in
He is growing in such a hurry
He’s almost growing out of his skin

To carry any anger
Or an animosity in anyway
Is like wasting the too short moments
already running faster everyday

I’ll be looking at a man soon
living his life the way he will be
He’ll make choices on his own then
without a word being said by me

Day’s end the chores are finished
it wasn’t easy but this is true
The boy that I have bickered with
everything about him grew

I love my son ... 8/9 @ 3:38

Morning 8 - The 3:15 Experiment

2009-08-08T09:52:00.000-07:00

I collect the feathers that lay scattered beneath the tall trees - sacred medicine or just feathers ... I love them. I gather the information for teaching to gain more knowledge. Sacred wisdom or just information ... I love it. I gather the artistry and intuitive ways for the laying on of hands. Whether it is sacred healing or just touching ... I love it. I gather the dreams and visions from my days and nights. Whether or not is is just my imagination ... I love it.

The knowledge and the wisdom and the nudges and the insights I don't question. When it all comes together in my heart in the time when it is right it is magic. It is sacred. It is what makes me a gifted one. Gifted with medicine from the animals, gifted with knowledge organized by Spirit, gifted with skills guided by my ancestors and images designed and shared by Source.

Putting them all together from the heart I am a Medicine Woman.

As the coyotes cry on the hills above me I will watch out for that one (Coyote) that I have loved.

Morning 7 - The 3:15 Experiment

2009-08-08T09:47:00.000-07:00

giving me my freedom

(8 minutes has passed and nothing is coming in)

OK

I feel asleep while waiting for the idea of what to write and checking in there is nothing to write but this.

water ... get a drink and go back to sleep

8/7 @ 3:26

Morning 6 - The 3:15 Experiment

2009-08-08T09:30:00.000-07:00

It was on the morning of August 6th ... FULL MOON energy and having just left the lunar eclipse from the night before. I had spent the evening before in Moon love and moon lore with a dear friend, doing sacred healing work under the Moon.

I did not want to wake up when the alarm went off @ 3:15. I did not want to wake up because I was sleeping like a baby on its belly, sprawled out on the surface of Mother Moon.

I could feel the cool energy of Mother Moon vibrate into my body ... yes it was cool like the ascension chills that you get when the truth comes in free. Mother was chanting me a lull-a-bye while I rested on her heart. It was the greatest tranquility that I have ever felt. To answer an alarm seemed silly and disrespectful so I didn't get up to write.

the next morning I woke to find this ...

Luna bella luna Moon, you are coming into your fullness soon.
Grow grounded to Earth, gaze up to the sky.
Live love and in peace. Take in Spirit's HIGH.

Luna bella luna Moon, you'll be in your balance soon.
You'll see the world and all its delights
While laying on my surface of silver, cream and white.

Luna bella luna Moon, you'll have to wake for your day soon.
I promise you as you move and go.
I'll continue to hold you, I love you so.

Morning 5 - The 3:15 Experiment

2009-08-08T09:26:00.000-07:00

Ever present, always calm, you watch over me ... you are my Mom.

You have cared for me on the darkest night, always keeping on a sweet night light.

Your love is full, your grace is right, you bring me through each and every night.

You want me to rest and you encourage me to play. You aren't even gone in the light of day.

You have always been, you're not leaving soon. You share love with me, you are my Mother Moon.

inspired by the Full Moon shining in my bedroom window @ 3:29 a.m.

Morning 4 - The 3:15 Experiment

2009-08-08T09:24:00.000-07:00

Balancing fear ...

The first half of my life was spent living in it.

The second half of my life is about walking away from it.

Everything finds its natural balance line. That is the mastery of life.

I am so grateful really to be growing old, as it brings with it the importance of letting go.

Morning 3 - The 3:15 Experiment

2009-08-08T09:06:00.000-07:00

Whether just one step ahead or just one step behind the love that I seek seem to be stepping out of time. I seek him out and I want him. I wonder who he is an more. He just isn't rushing to go knocking on my door.

I'm alone, but I'm not lonely. I am wanting, I'm not weak. The love that I look clearly for appears nowhere, not a peek. So I move on, traveling forward. I happily go on with my day. It's been such a long time since I've been coupled in a special way.

Searching but not stranded. Wanting a love that's more. Sharing and caring, I'm remaining open for a love that's more. Surely he is waiting and longing just like me, with desires of companionship, soul sharing and letting it be.

If he's out there then where is he? Is he somewhere, will I soon see? This man I will give love to, is he ever going to be?

8/2 @ 3:30

writing again ... found on the next page

I'm keeping myself busy, doing things that are good and true. Trying to heal the planet, creating sweet space for me and you. Don't you want to know my laughter, my scent, my laugh, my song? Don't you want to know my passion for dividing right from wrong?

I wake each day with courage and a soul centered and a heart that's strong. I wait for you undauntedly. I'm wondering what's taking so long.

Morning 2 - The 3:15 Experiment

2009-08-08T08:58:00.000-07:00

Society is at the dawning of man/human. More than the sun, everything is rising. Rising tides, rising emotions. The ebb and flow seems imbalanced but it is fine. All things balance. It is inevitable.

This balance is however, swinging us in the extremes. Greater contrast, further reach, wider berths and greater risks.

As we reach further we can extend beyond our old ideals.

A wider berth can give us a greater view of the horizon.

Greater risk always equates to increased value.

These times that we are in are what they are to be. They are what we have co-created as our manifested destiny.

What power!
What great opportunity to grow!

The greatest outcome is always present during the greatest challenges.

8/1 @ 3:27

Morning 1 - the 3:15 Experiment

2009-08-08T08:41:00.000-07:00

I was so excited that I started early ... July 31 @ 3:15

The planned path of exodus while escaping from the dark will never leave our physical being without a tattoo, placed upon our spiritual flesh, inside of us for none to see.

The artist is our heart.

This tattoo can be intricate artistry.

We will not be free of it. The marks are our map, our course of life in stepping from the dark and traveling into light. It is marked deep within our soul, mapping our journey to full insight.

Should we ever find ourselves in darkness again we can remap our vision by looking within.

it is interesting ...

2009-08-08T08:01:00.000-07:00

I worked with a dear friend last night, helping her detail and organized her information and course of intentions to mentor the Munay-Ki. I mentored her through the rites recently and she has taken on the responsibility of an Earth Keeper in the Heroes Journey and she is carrying the rites to others now. The evening was a blessed reward of all the she and I are doing.

In working with her I was granted several epiphanies throughout the evening. The grand catagory that the epiphanies fell into is that I am doing the work, walking the walk and talking the talk that Spirit intended for me to do. I live in a magical world of love and light, of love and service, of love and brilliant visions and dreams (both day and night) of a better world. It is happening ... one person at a time begining with me.

When my dear friend left last night my emotions flowed and tears rained down my face. Some of the tears were of appreciation for my Father. The essense of my Father has been present lately. He is a much sweeter soul now than he was before he left this earth walk. I am a much sweeter soul now than I was before he left this earth walk too. I thanked my Father for his essence that kept me "real" in a situation that came before me this past week.

From that thought I spiraled into the thoughts of a beautiful man that I met two years ago. We shared contact again yesterday and it was as sweet as usual. This man came into my life at a most, perhap the most significant pivot point of my entire life. This man held space for me and this transition point at a very high level of respect. We had just met at the time that my friend Gayle was passing. He was there for me in amazing ways.

That series of thoughts brought me back around, full circle to walking the walk, talking the talk and doing the work that Spirit intended for me to do. Spirit lines us up so well when we allow it. The work ... learning, growing, teaching, knowing ... receiving support, healing, supporting others while they heal, being in and of loving service for our individual and tribal awakening ... the work showed its course last night.

This has been a life long journey. I had been walking towards this path most of my life. It was two years ago that I realized I could no longer live vicariously through my higher self any longer. It was the time that I be my higher self. Two years ago ... this coming August 15th ... my dear friend Gayle left her earth walk. Gayle was my catalyst, she lit the fire under me. Gayle was the volunteer, placed here by brilliant organizers to motivate me into action.

I have written a lot about Gayle so some of you know the story.

As more tears stream down my face today ... as I come towards the mark on the calender when I will sit with Gayle's essence in gratitude, I wonder will she bring the rain again or will she just send a nudge on the wind that activates me further and deeper into the knowing of who I am. Whatever happens I am so grateful.

a mystical conclusion ...

2009-04-03T08:24:00.000-07:00

good morning to my Love ... the morning air has called my name and beckoned me outside to find the wonder of the day and breathe it in. the sky is deep with heavy gray clouds and the coolness in the air is calming. the darkness of the storm clouds and the luminous sun coming in behind them is creating a large canvas of earth art for me to view. the birds are singing and the wind chime's are gently striking against each other. it is a song for me. my heart is open from the pleasures of life ... in this moment, to this day to come and beyond. in the sights and the sounds of morning I am able to form a mystical conclusion that all is well in my day as it begins.

from June 10th ... "amen" ...

2009-04-01T16:23:00.000-07:00

I am innocent in many ways and happy to be. In one way that is present to me today ... I have not known that crystal clear, vividly marked love of a man for me a woman before in this life time.

I am magic in many ways and happy to be. In one way that is present to me today ... I have the potential and the intention to know (co-create with him) that crystal clear, vividly marked love of a man for me a women in this lifetime.

Amen.

Prayer in Lodge ...

2009-03-16T14:52:00.001-07:00

In the first round … as it holds honor to our babies, our young ones and our children, I ask Grandfather to heal you from those years. I ask that you be relieved of any pain from those memories that you hold of the things that may have been done to you that no young one would even imagine. I asked that you be soothed from any pain that you hold for not having been given the care, comfort and protection that a little one needs and deserves. I ask that you be given the strength to forgive your chosen birth Mother and birth Father for any inability they may have had to be better parents to you. I ask that Grandfather in his great wisdom give you more or less as he knows you better than me.

In the second round … as it holds honor to our older children, our adolescents and young people … the ones in between the not small enough and not big enough stage of life. I ask Grandfather to heal you from those years. I ask that you be relieved from any painful memories that you may hold from any way that you may have been mistreated, abandoned or even discarded. I ask that you be soothed from any pain that you may hold for not having been given the guidance, respect, dedication and protection that a young one needs and deserves. I ask that you be given the strength to forgive your chosen birth parents and their relations, your siblings for any inability they may have had to be better caregivers for you. I ask that Grandfather in his great wisdom give you more or less as he knows you better than me.

In the third round … as it holds honor to the grown ones, the adults in the stage of life that we are now in. The age that brings us "the knowing" of who we have been and the directions for who we are becoming … the time where we deal with our past and our future. I ask Grandfather to heal you in these years. I ask that you be relieved of the pain that you may be feeling from fear, from loss and from lack of direction in any present moment. I ask that he support you as you seek your highest good. I ask that he lift your feet on your path so that you can move forward in life and find the joy and comfort that you deserve. I ask that he give you strength to forgive yourself for any inability you may have ever had to be a better person for yourself and for others. I ask that Grandfather in his great wisdom give you more or less as he knows you better than me.

In the fourth round … as it holds honor to the elders, the old ones, the wise one, the lived ones, the experiences ones. I ask that Grandfather answer my prayers from the first three rounds as that will support you and prepare you for all that you need when you are an old one. I ask that Grandfather in his great wisdom give you more or less as he knows you better than me.

Full Moon Lodge ... June 18, 2008

x 3 ...

2009-03-16T14:51:00.001-07:00

apples, alchemy, anatomy - benevolence, bold kindness, breathing - crusty breads, courage, colors (all of them under different forms of light) - dahlias, dancing, difficulties - earth, energy, enthusiasm - friends, fires, forests (not forest fires) - greens, gardening, grace - honesty, hip huggers, holding (loved ones) - islands (off the coast where I live), incense (nag champa), ice (when it forms snowflakes) - J 1, J 2 and J 3 - K (the only one), kisses (narcotic quality), kindness (again) - LOVE, learning, lodge - music, (the) MOON, melting - nutmeg (fresh), nudges (from Spirit), NEW (Moon Intentions Setting Circles with the amazing women in our group) - oceans, (sweet) onions, oils (essential) - pinot noir, palo santo, painting - quality, quantum results, questions - REIKI, romance, rocks (romance rocks) - sharpies (pens for art and writing), still points, salads - teaching, Thanskgiving, textures - Universal (LIFE Force Energy), unity, undaunting (faith in onesself) - vishudda, vulnerability, vegetables (raw and roasted) - writing, willingness, Western Slope (of Colorado and the Aspen trees there and a hundred memories all good, including the Devil's Theatre) - x-tra credit, x-tra savings, x-tra time - you, your courage, Yosemite - (Led) Zepplin, Zazen, Zig Ziggler Seminars (just kidding, I am not a sales rep for a highly competitive company

Old thoughts on Father passing ...

2009-03-16T14:50:00.000-07:00

My father passed in September of '06. It was a catalystic time for me, the outcome of which has been beautiful ... things that I never thought I would see in my lifetime came to be from the momentum of his death.

I wrote the following soon after his passing ...

My father passed away. The grief is overwhelming. Throughout my life my father and I let insignificant things get in the way of truly caring for each other.

What makes me sad, what is my grief? We wasted time and opportunities.

If you miss someone now who is still alive, stop missing them. Get in front of them and tell them how you feel. Apologize, forgive, listen, speak, explain, understand, ask to be undersood ... or just make your missing them known.

Our journey on this earth is about many things. In the finer moments it is all about love ... first to accept love and learn and the exchange is to give love and teach.

The journey of a loved one is much too short when they are gone and you are left behind to miss them

Kitty Report ...

2009-03-16T14:49:00.000-07:00

How could I resist a pour little kitty?

I am in need of some professional examinations I think ... this is my 4th rescue in just a little over two years ... Mojo the leopard gecko rescued 18 months ago ... Lily the AMAZING dog rescued last October, Banu the ball python rescued last month ... all our pets now.

AND NOW .... the little hisser (kitten) found day before yesterday ... initially placed in protective custody, confined quarters (to protect it from its self) in a cat carrier by some incredibly courageous friends, until I got off work that evening.

I knew I was facing trouble when the perfect name for the little hisser came forward. Solid black kitty surviving in our "mean streets" neighborhood to even be found ... magic, pure magic ... kitty, black kitty ... black magic ... kitty name ... Voodoo!

There is no such thing as a free pet ... NO SUCH THING AS FREE PETS ... this is what I kept telling myself. There are a lot of good people out there. Our common thread is LOVE. I am one of those good people (sucker that I must be). The owner must miss this cute kitty.

So I sent out the prayer requests to my friends, for me .... that the owner shows up fast (posted on craigslist and the local paper, signs around the hood too) ... if there is no owner ... who wants this incredibly cute little hisser?

It is sad that I have received 7 inquiries from cat owners ... their cats all missing ... 6 of them missing in my "mean streets" neighborhood. Not a single question about "the little hisser" ... Voodoo, that I have taken in. Hum?

It turns out that Voodoo is one mean little MOFO at this moment in time. I don't think calling "IT" Angel would help either. This little "IT" just might have been wild in my "mean streets" neighborhood? No Way!!!!!

If I were CRAZY I would certainly considering keeping "IT" as "IT" has emerald green eyes, potentially a little black fuzz ball with EMERALD GREEN EYES ... come on, that is cute.

I have four friends already in line for "IT", if the owner misses "IT". Hum? I will have to write up a "NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR DAMAGES" contract for the SUCKA who takes "IT".

We housed "IT" in my son's bathroom last night and "IT" immediately took full residence. It was impressive that such a little ball of fur could create such an intense presence. This little "IT" was totally working the hostile energy angle. It was so clear that "IT" was totally freaked out and willing to mirror this at just about anyone who tried to care.

I left "IT" alone with food, water, a litter box, a fuzzy blanket and good vibes.

During the night I was aware of some amazing sounds coming out of the bathroom. At one point I wondered if a kitty that size could really create that much noise (damage) in such a small room.
"IT" could create that much noise (damage) in such a small room.

I felt like room service this morning for a cranky ... high maintenance rock star as I scanned the room that "IT" had totally destroyed ... potpourri (weird word), rock salt, q-tips and cotton balls EVERYWHERE. The trash can was knocked over and ... "IT" uses a cat box at least.

I cleaned the bathroom for "IT", placed fresh bedding in the tub for "IT", removed "sh"IT" for "IT" from the cat box, replenished food and water for "IT", "IT" let me touch "IT" for a second and then "IT" went VORTEX on me ... I RAN from the room before "IT" could get me ... !!! ... closing the door tightly behind me and in front of "IT" ... stating ... HOLY "SH"IT" !!!! as I ran down the hall with my broom and my cleaning supplies causing a racket for the other sleeping guests across the hall.

This is not my line of work.

Ingenious Passion ... a few months ago

2009-03-16T14:48:00.001-07:00

A friend of mine recently shared an Aries horoscope with me, written by Rob Brezney. It read as follows …

"ARIES: a reader bragged to me about her prowess, she wrote "My capacity for expressing love far surpasses that of anyone I have ever met, I am a Sublime Genius of Love, a Master of Unconditional Compassion, a Virtuoso of Deep Empathy." Your assignment in the coming days, Aries, is to compete with her: Unleash a perfect storm of ingenious passion that will ignite subtle revolutions everywhere you go. Explore the frontiers of smart love".

I immediately wondered what this reader was doing bragging about being so capable of love and so enlightened about how to share it. What is she doing "bragging" with a consciousness like that when she could paint rainbows with her fingertips instead of focus on affirmations to live by. That is when it dawned on me that this was an affirmation, a mantra … a devotion to love.

Very sweet.

Then Brezny promotes a classic move to instigate other Aries beings to compete. Like he knows we will. We will or at least I did … compete … but with myself. I took myself to task on the part of the horoscope that centered in me, to "unleash a perfect storm of ingenious passion that will ignite subtle revolutions everywhere you go … to explore the frontiers of smart love".

That is such a powerful initiative and it compelled me to look at my desire for a love relationship. I seek my true companion with each aspect of my being … the emotional, the mental, the physical and the spiritual.
To "unleash a perfect storm" … a perfect storm … a perfect storm. What is a perfect storm? The thunderstorms that roll into the Rocky Mountains of Colorado on a warm/hot summer's afternoon … the kind of thunderstorms that you want to be playful in came to mind.

"Ingenious Passion" …

INGENIOUS: showing or calling for intelligence, aptitude, or discernment ~ marked by a special aptitude at discovering, inventing, or contriving ~ marked by originality, resourcefulness, and cleverness in conception or execution ~ clever.
PASSION: an emotion, a feeling ~ the emotions as distinguished from reason ~ intense, driving, or overmastering feeling or conviction ~ an outbreak of anger ~ ardent affection, LOVE ~ a strong liking or desire for or devotion to some activity, object, or concept ~ sexual desire ~ an object of desire or deep interest ~ fever, ardor, enthusiasm (you should never analyze enthusiasm), zeal.
As an Aries being I never have to pull passion off of a shelf and pack it to take with me. Passion never gets written down on my "TO DO" list. I am never without it, I never run short. If I were to mirror my passion towards many aspects of life to my relationship to money in my pocket book I would have a fortune.

I know there is a concern that is associated with passion, that it can be deeply stirring and ungovernable. Passion can be short lived and quickly faded. Here I am eager to be ingenious enough to move beyond my previous understanding of passion and to redesign it within myself. I believe this means a much more actualized approach, taking consciousness … awareness … the full sensory capacity of my higher being … and bringing that to the table of my life.
"Ignite subtle revolutions everywhere you go" … !!!!

"Explore the frontiers of smart love". This is what I am ready for.

thoughts on love ...

2009-03-16T14:46:00.002-07:00

it is in the love that we have known, the love that we are living ... that manifests the love that will change the world ... LL

Hell ...

2009-03-16T14:46:00.001-07:00

Winston Churchill said ... "if you are going through hell ... keep going".

what the .... ?????

2009-03-06T08:51:00.000-08:00

that last blog posted automatically in a nice color and in my usual font ... sweet!!!

Well ... well ... well

2009-03-06T08:39:00.000-08:00

I read my own blog yesterday and reading it caused a tenderness to set into my heart. I tracked some growth, some lessons, some vulnerability here on this blog.

Always seek the highest good. That can be a complex and introverted process. Maybe that is where I have been in not posting here. After all this blog is wide open.

I have loved this form of expression. I have been blessed to be productively and effectively busy over the past several months and that has been valid reason to not sit and type out what is growing in my life. However I miss the arena. I have not missed out on growth, I have missed this place of expression.

I have posted blogs on myspace, I have considered a newsletter, I am in the process of creating a website and I am pledging to myself that I will sit in the "indigo swirls" of my heart and mind at the very least once a week from here on out.

I am going to transfer some of my blog posts from myspace over to this blog.

Now ... what the heck was the font that I use here, what color blended so well (in my opinion) ... my mind has filled with other things and for the sake of this moment I will post this as it is.

I remain so grateful for Gayle, she will always be such a remarkable inspiration for me.

Fall ...

2008-10-13T14:53:00.002-07:00

Crisp ~ the word for fall and the season we are in. The feel of autumn in the air, the view, notably sharp, clean-cut, and clear ... as in "a crisp illustration" … with sharper detail created by the air being somehow fresher, cleaner. BITE … bite an apple, its APPLE season so I am biting into a FRESH, CRISP APPLE, that's desirably firm and crunchy. Thank You Goddess for this Gala Apple that I am eating. Fall is a sensory season and your skin feels so different as the wind brushes up against you so much more aggressively (with affection) creating drier skin, apply oil with vigor. INHALE … deeply ... feel the stall in the middle of your breaths ... set it deep within your chest and send it to join the fall air, to let it go to mingle with the electricity created by the atmosphere. Catch your finger tip on a spark of light and if this happens in the night watch it light the way to the next moment. SNAP awake on the spark. Charged, charge, charge … into the season … do you feel it?

LIVE in this SEASON.

IT is CHANGING.

You are TOO.

wow ... it's been a long time

2008-10-13T14:53:00.001-07:00

I have been living life ... to its fullest.

Spending time with her ....

2008-08-15T10:16:00.000-07:00

We had very strong thunder and lightning in the early morning hours, our rare August/September thunder showers. Being one who is "charged" by thunder and lightning I often wonder if I am in the wrong part of the country, to only take in a good thunderstorm once or twice a year. I often wonder if I would be sane (in mainstream terms) if I experienced more than a few thunderstorms a year.

The storm woke each of my family members from sweet sleep and my son and I snuggled together on the sofa in front of our large windows. Our dog and cat were within arms reach. Our dog (?) softly howled and gently growled every once and awhile like she was talking back to the storm. It was one of the finer moments for me.

Our home is high up in the hills overlooking the east end of our city with a wide open view of the valley that stretches to the ocean about 15 miles away. We watched huge bolts of lightning crack down on the plains as the storm headed our way.

For an hour or more the storm spread its energy over the land. Lightning bolting down to the earth and the thunder blasted like large tribal drums ... tossing raindrops straight down out of the sky . I had gardened in the Moon light last night and I was so grateful that the rain was helping to settle some new planting into the earth and clean all the green around me.

I was doing a lot of thinking as my son had fallen asleep in my arms. I thought of
ingenious passion and creating the "perfect storm" of smart love.

I thought of my "never ending, never beginning" with my beloved warrior (peaceful)/medicine man. He has once again gone where I had wanted him to go. The day before had been full of thoughts of him, having spent the day in and around his former community. My moonlight gardening was to ground my energy from missing him, always missing him. As I gardened, the storm sky from the storm coming in at sunset was painted with his colors. Maybe it has finally ended.

As I sat on the sofa I remembered my last long road trip and the storms across Texas and New Mexico. I remembered the storms in Colorado that would come in every summer afternoon, like God had turned on the sprinklers for us to play in. I remembered the storms on the plains at my fathers home in Nebraska. My affinity for storms runs deep.

I remembered Gayle. Not that she is ever forgotten. I had planned on dedicating time to Gayle today as it is the one year mark of her passing. I was planning a trip to the ocean or the hills or perhaps visiting her former home. Something symbolic and devoted to Gayle and her remaining essence.

Gayle and I shared an amazing understanding of the August/September rains and in that a shared "affinity" for thunderstorms. This would be a very lengthy detail that would forge deeply into my heart and into stories of Gayle's challenges around Jamie's (September) birthday parties and my second fight (and victory) with cancer (September ... years ago) and it is ok as is.

Gayle was my greatest catalyst in 7 years as a Reiki Master and practitioner. She moved me from being a reluctant healer to being a determined teacher. Gayle reminded me (after she passed) of who I am. I am more than a reluctant healer, more than a Reiki Master ... I am a Medicine Woman. I just am. No fight (with myself) about it. I have lived this past year mobilized by her amazing belief in me and by her profound willingness to teach me on such a deep level ... ... ... ... ... ...

The storm was a visit from Gayle, Gayle's essence as it is. She was always early, organized and ready .. she had perfect timing and knew just what to do. She most likely has a very busy day today ... her essence that is, has a very busy day today. So she came to me, early ... timely ... perfectly ... through the storm, when she knew I would be available.

I love you Gayle. I thank you Gayle. I will forever honor you Gayle.

To this day I wonder ... what did I give her in comparison as she has given me so very much.

See ... Reiki Lessons" ... posted here on blogspot.

33 Lessons ...

2008-08-10T12:10:00.000-07:00

Thirty-Three Life Mastery Lessons

“The only way you can live a truly creative life or know the highest happiness is by developing your own unique potential.”—Norman Vincent Peale

1. Endings are also beginnings.
2. Learning separates an ordinary from an extraordinary life.
3. The biggest battle is victory over yourself.
4. Your life is the curriculum for your enlightenment.
5. You cannot become what you want by remaining what you are.
6. Great disappointments can lead to great discoveries when you are willing to see the light and do some inner work.
7. Fear is just a lack of understanding.
8. Every person has a great destiny; not every person is willing to do what it takes to live his/her destiny.
9. What matters in this life: truth, love, beauty, and integrity.
10. An attitude of gratitude will bring you every great thing.
11. When you are whole, all things come your way.
12. Be bold because the Universe favors the bold.
13. Dare to Know!
14. A true friend does not allow you to remain stuck in your story.
15. Love is the answer to any question, challenge, or disease.
16. Do what you can today, for tomorrow may never come.
17. Plant when it is time to plant. Harvest when it is time to harvest. Rest when it is time to rest.
18. You can count on one thing in life: change.
19. You can relax about change and just go with the flow.
20. A soul successful person is an active soul-active in learning, active in thinking, active in doing.
21. Resiliency represents personal power.
22. Mortal mind feeds on fear, doubt, and greed.
23. Divine mind fuels you with faith, confidence, and gratitude.
24. Expansion and evolution is what life is all about.
25. You are divine enough to ask and important enough to receive what you desire.
26. Choice is a gift given to humankind. Use it wisely.
27. Your BED (beliefs, emotions, and decisions) create your reality.
28. Be caring and compassionate despite what illusionary misbehavior you see.
29. Heaven or hell is already here because it is your state of mind.
30. People are the most successful who ask for and accept help.
31. You are 100 percent responsible for the messes and successes of your life.
32. Who and what you surround yourself with influence you more than you know.
33. Make today (and everyday) the best day of your life.

By Michelle L. Casto, Ph.D. The Soul Coach

on and on and on ...

2008-08-09T08:23:00.000-07:00

So much has been going on and going on and going on and on and on.

Like Joni says "everything comes and goes, marked by lover's and styles of clothes. things that you held high and told yourself were true lost or changin' as the days come down to you. down to you constant stranger, you're a kind person, you're a cold person too ... it's down to you. It all comes down to you."

The good, the bad and the indifferent all need a good cleansing at times.

Future blogs ... to be added early in the morning before the hummingbirds sing and call me outside ...

Which one is the most important one? ... asked by a student ... in regards to the chakra system.

A year already? Where have your travels taken you? Missing Gayle w/ large gratitude.

Living vicariously through yourself. Do you? I do.

There is no energy shortage. Life Force Energy ... that is.

and a few more ...

I am going to garden.

I'll be back soon.

a good one

2008-07-04T07:39:00.000-07:00

People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered. Love them anyway. If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Do good anyway. If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway. The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway. The biggest person with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest person with the smallest mind. Think big anyway. What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway. People really need help but may attack if you help them. Help people anyway. Give the world the best you have and you might get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you've got anyway. - Anonymous

angst and frustration x 3 ...

2008-06-30T20:30:00.001-07:00

Three people, all very dear to me reached their limits today. I wasn't a part of these limits but I did relate to each person. So I listened and listened and listened. I realized early on that there are times when we don't really need a substantial vocabulary. Sometimes we just need to listen and listen and listen.

don't worry about the fall ...

2008-06-27T21:30:00.000-07:00

and so we know that it's ok if we stumble or even fall down on our path. maybe the break in the momentum and the gap in time is designated by a higher power to slow us down.

maybe the delay adjusts our clock and our timing gets shifted so that we arrive where we're going in a more perfect moment.

it could also be that the down time is when we gather in our senses or we ponder what the heck it is that we are doing anyway and that time and break for thought reconnects us to the value of what we are heading for.

and so we know that the fall doesn't matter ... it is the getting back up that does.

An open journal ... really

2008-06-23T20:39:00.001-07:00

So this blog has changed course, speed and meaning. So be it. To change is to create essential meaning. I started here with no design of what this would become, only to express myself ... ME ... and initially my free thoughts about Reiki (healing).

This blog took a shape of its own as my fingers hit the keyboard. The thoughts of love (healing) ... and man, that has bounced around in my head and on these pages. The unconditional love of Reiki (healing). The love we should have for one another (healing). The love of self (healing). The love discovered during death (healing). The love of music (healing). Crow Medicine (healing). A love lost (or the hint of it) (healing) . A love found (a small hint of it and I hope) (healing). The love of learning is covered (healing).

Ah, here is a future subject ... the love of learning but learning can be a love/hate thing until you've learned your lessons well ... and I have not gone there (healing) ... to hate ... (not even a hint of it). Maybe close tonight but as close as I will get (healing). Maybe I haven't learned my lessons well yet?

So this blog is about what I started it about ... Reiki, converted to healing ... LOVE ... and a little more (healing).

This blog is an "open" journal, left on a table tucked inside a computer screen. You can sneak a peek or sit with it wide open. Relate to it or not. Many don't read it at all and they move on about their days just fine.

BUT ... this is my blog.

Tonight's blog entry is about another persons point of view ... from viewing my blog.

Another persons point of view does not change what I have written, its perceptions or any of my personal insights shared in a past moment. My perceptions and personal insight do change as I grow. Another persons point of view does nothing to the past written entries. They are locked in this website on the Internet. I can "EDIT" them but I would choose not to.

As I move forward in this "open" journal I will change and grow and see what is and what isn't ... and that will be a new moment. I will post these changes as they are relevant or pertinent. To change is to create essential meaning.

I consider this criticism of my blog and I say, this is my "open" journal and if you don't like it don't read it. I ponder the name of my blog. "Always seek the highest good". What is "the" highest good here tonight? For this is not called "your" highest good or "my" highest good. My choice would be that it is the highest good in the middle.

I don't know.

The highest good, or that place in the middle can get lost the moment you let it.

The highest good comes to mind and it is love. The sweet emotion that brings us to surrender. Not the surrender that leaves us powerless. The surrender of outcome. Can you surrender outcome? I will wonder if I can as I move forward towards that place.

Do I publish this? It shows my frailties.

The Nature of Balance

2008-06-23T06:10:00.001-07:00

Commit yourself to something so that something can commit itself to you.

a simple pleasure ...

2008-06-22T16:13:00.000-07:00

the local garden center ... 3 rows of large fountains ... all of them working ... all running water ... 30 - 45 fountains ... working all at once ... I stand in the middle ... of all of them ... I close my eyes ... I take in several deep breaths ... I listen to the sound ... of all of the fountains ... the constant water flowing ... like they are one giant fountain .... and I go away for awhile ... find your simple pleasure and partake of it every now and then ...

Go ahead and jump ...

2008-06-18T11:38:00.000-07:00

My morning moved quickly and time offered no favors. I wanted to gather in a quick lesson or at least a small shift in my perspective before heading to work. I decided to read from a book that I recently received by fluke.

I had placed an order on Amazon for a different book. I placed the order, a book seller had it. Amazon took my money. The book shipped. Then a process started ... book - no book - order another - no book - order another - we don’t have it - we'll refund your money - order another book and on and on. I was receiving emails from two different people from the same company and I was the one trying to get them on the same page over the same book (transaction).

I finally found "The Osho Zen Tarot Book and Card Deck" set listed by this seller. I had just become aware of this set a few days prior. They had it “used” at about half the cost of new. I ordered it. I received an email that this had been shipped. An email followed stating they didn’t have this set and they would refund my money. Amazon let me know that they refunded my money.

The next day a package arrived in my mail. It was the book half only of The Osho Zen Tarot set. I initially wondered what I would do with the book and no cards. It turns out the book is the better half of the set. Cards with no book would be mysterious. The book with no cards is insightful. I read the introduction and the story of how this book and deck of cards came to be. It was a good read.

((((( .......... I opened circle last night before sleeping. I called in Grandmother and Grandfather and thanked them for many things but especially for expanding my territory. I asked them to hold me in the night and to whisper in my ears.

My dreams were powerful. I traveled and visited new people in new places. I learned great things. I woke to gentle nudges between the dreams so that I could remember them. It was one of the sweetest night’s dreams I have ever had.

This morning my thoughts were about these dreams and the woman I sat in circle with and the man that came my way with the very direct smile and great face. I thought of how real and present these visitors were and how they were of this time … not yesterday or tomorrow but today. I thought of how remarkable my dreams were and how courageous I have been lately to ask for and received such vivid dreams.

I thought about how moving forward in faith and trust has really opened many new possibilities for me. Possibilities like the ones I witnessed in my dreams. I was thinking of the quantum effects that I am seeing work in my life. I realized that at some point I just jumped into a more positive potential and here I am dreaming it and living it ............. )))))

I grabbed the Osho Zen Tarot Book and slipped my finger into a random page. I wondered what the page would read before I opened the book ... Page 61 … "TRUST" … with the picture of a woman leaping into the air, free flight … no net … wide open arms.

The page said:

“Don’t waste your life for that which is going to be taken away. Trust life. If you trust, only then can you drop your knowledge, only then can you put your mind aside. And with trust, something immense opens up. Then life, this life is no longer an ordinary life, it becomes full of God, overflowing. When the heart is innocent and the walls have disappeared, you are bridged with infinity. And you are not deceived; there is nothing that can be taken away from you. That which can be taken away from you is not worth keeping, and that which cannot be taken away from you, why should on be afraid of its being taken away? – it cannot be taken away, there is no possibility. You cannot lose your real treasure.

Now is the time to be a bungee jumper without the cord? And it is the quality of absolute trust, with no reservations or secret safety nets. There is a tremendous sense of exhilaration if we can take the jump and move into the unknown, even if the idea scares us to death. And when we take trust to the level of the quantum leap, we don’t make any elaborate plans or preparation. We don’t say “Okay, I trust that I know what to do now, and I’ll settle my things and pack my suitcase and take it with me”. No, we just jump, with hardly a thought for what happens next. The leap is the thing, and the thrill of it as we free-fall through the empty sky. Here’s the hint … what waits for us at the other end - a soft, welcoming, cushion of yummy pink, rose petals … c’mon”.

Go ahead and jump!

Chain saws and jack hammers ...

2008-06-15T07:24:00.000-07:00

It had been a full week ... the global condition that WE ARE IN. Remaining close to Spirit, staying the course even when I get frustrated. Clearly disappointed by some people that I have cared for. Trying to find equanimity with myself … will I find it? Flirtation … is cleansing and sweet like the smoke of Palo Santo.

I woke up early to a calm and foggy day. I started my morning preparing to sit in meditation. Who can afford gas these days and I am "a lucky one" as my daily commute is under 6 miles both ways. Start riding my bike. Happiness is maintainable. "The only things worth living for are innocence and magic ... AMEN". How can this current administration be so pompous? Will there be improvement in the next administration. GOD I HOPE McCain fails. My Son is growing and going. Karma … comes and goes but it usually hangs around until you deal with it.

I fed the dog and the cat and headed outside to access what kind of watering I needed to do in the garden. Lodge is coming up on Wednesday ... the full Moon. There are some weird folks out there. I have no room for negativity. Oh please. Past friends and lovers. Q’ero. Restlessness is to enthusiasm what espresso is to coffee.

The fog was thick enough I could not see the house across the street, making my meditation area in front of two large windows very surreal. I started expanding my breaths, lit my candle and started some Palo Santo burning. Stop making excuses Mom. Stop thinking a 79 year old woman will change Laurel. The Rites. Undoubtedly you must continue to do what you believe in. Vishudda … speak your truth (and then face those spoken words). What else would you speak? Why do people lie?

This meditation was about turning this week over, ending my chatter about it and releasing its energy to the sky. Just about ready … my breathing was already soft and full. I opened circle and called in the power and magic that I believe in. I centered myself on my meditation pillow and started my prayer …. oh that sweet prayer that always centers me.

ZZZZZzzzzZZZZZzzzz!!!! My next door neighbor was not trying to meditating. My next door neighbor was trying to remove ivy with a chain saw, starting the very moment that my prayer centered me. ZZZZZzzzzZZZZZzzzz !!!! I tried to remind myself that silence and peace were inside of me not outside of me. ZZZZZzzzzZZZZZzzzz!!!! I tried to focus my breathing on the still points in between each breath and I thought this was not going to work.

ZZZZZ zzzz ZZZZZ zzzz ZZZZZ zzzz ZZZZZ zzzz ZZZZZ zzzz ZZZZZ zzzz ZZZZZ zzzz ZZZZZ zzzz ZZZZZ zzzz ZZZZZ zzzz ZZZZZ zzzz ZZZZZ zzzz !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The ZZZZZzzzzZZZZZzzzz finally stopped and I took some breaths. The chain saw was replaced with a jack hammer at this point. I decided to accept the humor as this is part of life. I closed my prayer circle and got up. Sometimes you aim at the good (a meditation) and you don't get it (a chainsaw).

amen ...

2008-06-10T05:58:00.000-07:00

"The only things worth living for are innocence and magic ... amen. We were born with our eyes wide open. So alive with wild hope now. Can you tell me why time after time they drag you down. Down in the darkness deep. Fools and their madness all around. Know that the light don't sleep".

These are lyrics from a song. Yep, another CD rolling its lines out while I skoot around town. I think diversity can be added to the this small list but I didn't write the song. David Gray wrote it.

Innocence? Webster says it is a noun.
1. The quality of innocent naivete.
2. The state of being free from sin or moral wrong; lacking a knowledge of evil.
3. A state or condition of being innocent of a specific crime or offense; "the trial established his innocence".

I am not innocent.

Magic? Webster gives us its adjective meaning and it meaning as a noun.

Adjective

1. Possessing or using or characteristic of or appropriate to supernatural powers; "charming incantations"; "magic signs that protect against adverse influence"; "a magical spell"; "'tis now the very witching time of night"- Shakespeare; "wizard wands"; "wizardly powers".
Noun
1. Any art that invokes supernatural powers.
2. An illusory feat; considered magical by naive observers.

I am not magic.

But innocence and magic exist and I watch for them.

So many things ...

2008-05-31T08:32:00.001-07:00

There are so many things to be grateful for. If you stand silent and still for just a moment and let the world pass by you as it will ... the beginning of the list comes in for you. Sometimes the list starts high at the clouds. Sometimes the list starts low at the earth. Sometimes the list begins at eye level at the leaves on a tree. Sometimes you hear the list develope as a hummingbirds wings propel a hummingbird past you. Sometimes the list is written in your arms as you hold onto a loved one. Sometimes the list stands in front of you as someone dear to you smiles. Sometimes the list starts early in the day and doesn't stop until late at night.

There is always a list to compile.

Listen ...

2008-05-10T07:56:00.000-07:00

There really is a sound to silence and such important things can be sensed when no noise is being made.

As well ... when silence is broken you should listen to and sense the sound.

When someone speaks we should try to press into and pull from what they are saying. When someone speaks ... as opposed to when someone talks ... there is a difference and usually if you are paying attention you notice the shift in your own awareness as you get a little nudge from your better judgment self saying ... "LISTEN".

There as so many quotes, phrases and proverbs about listening. I don't need to list them. We should all have at least one favorite quote on listening and we should live by it as often as possible. One of my favorites is from the corporate America guru, Stephan Covey. To paraphrase he says "seek first to understand, then to be understood". This one takes listening to the point of feeling what you are hearing.

The senses have always been listed as if they fall under one category yet if we look at their range ... to see, to taste, to smell, to touch (feel), and this subject is to hear ... shouldn't we do them all at the same time ... consciously. After all, we can so we should.

with wide wings ...

2008-05-06T19:21:00.001-07:00

Crow flew in this evening to drink from the large cobalt blue water bowl in my yard. His timing was impeccable (for me) as I had just stepped to the window to breath in some cool, fresh air. I was thinking hard thoughts about the human to human betrayal that we find on the path to Spirit ... on the path TO Spirit not on the path OF Spirit.

Crow was beautiful with his shining black wings, darker than black and his strong profile. He was full of grace as he spiraled his wide wing span into the small area where the bowl sits. He landed on the edge of the bowl with precision placement. He then wrapped his wings around his body and he lengthened his spine and stretched his tail feathers like a conductor gaining the composure of an orchestra.

Crow leaned down into the bowl and drank a few long draws of water and then rested at the edge of the bowl. Crow leaned down into the bowl again and drank more water before resting a bit more. All at once without any effort he rose out of the small area at the bowl and into the sky. I was honored to have been at the window at this time.

I went back to my thoughts of betrayal and wondered if Crow had interrupted my thoughts for a reason. I often think animals interrupt our thoughts for a reason so I went in a different direction into my mind, away from betrayal and into what I was to learn from Crow's visit.

Crow medicine is LAW and sacred law at that. Crow medicine teaches us to pause and witness how we see things in relation to a higher order of right and wrong. With Crow medicine you honor a higher sense of harmony and therefore you are more sensitive to the lack of harmony. You easily recognize when things are out of balance or unjust.

Human law is not sacred law, leaving way to betrayal even on the path TO Spirit. We are eager to move forward on Spirit's path and our human condition gets in the way, our own way many times and the way of others. It is not always betrayal but it is usually a lack of full site and often a lack of insight.

Crow is a master at shape shifting and being in two places at once. Doubling or being two places at once is the gift of Crow medicine. Prior to Crow's visit I was in two places at once. The place where I thought a betrayal was and the place that I was standing at the window watching Crow. Crow slowed me down to take this time to realize that I am not betrayed. I was informed by Crow that others who have shared my path for a step or two ... at times ... lack full site and ... at times ... lack insight too.

Didn't I lack full site and insight (about betrayal) ... before Crow's visit?

Correction ...

2008-05-01T14:28:00.000-07:00

Crystals ... in my 'shot from a cannon' posting I said I have crystals all over my garden. I have crystals everywhere. They are all over my home, in windows, on toilets tanks, in my rock collection .... yeap, one of those folks who collects rocks here. I collect crystals too. Got any extra crystals? I will take them.

Querencia ...

2008-04-30T20:20:00.000-07:00

In bull fighting there is a place in the ring where the bull feels safe. If he can reach this place, he stops running and can gather his full strength. He is no longer afraid. It is the job of the matador to know where this sanctuary lies, to be sure the bull does not have time to occupy his place of wholeness.

The safe place for a bull is called the "querencia".

For humans the querencia is the safe place in our inner world. When a person finds their querencia, in full view of the matadore, they are calm and peaceful. Wise. They have gathered their strength around them.

Rachel Naomi Remen.

He's been preachin' to me ...

2008-04-24T15:26:00.000-07:00

Ok ... so he has been in my CD player in my car for a week now. I go through my Stevie "jones" here and there. I am considering a change to my profile as it seems that my focus is love so really the healing powers of LOVE, including Reiki, Munay-ki and other forms of love healing. NO MARVIN GAYE!!! That "old school" hit needs to be "suspended".

Back to Stevie ... grab some of his best ... the deep cuts as they are called. The ones that didn't get the play on the radio stations and press into them while listening to them. Hear his messages.

"AS" ... by Stevie Wonder

We all know sometimes life's hates and troubles can make you wish you were born in another time and space. But you can bet your life times that and twice its double, that God knew exactly where it is he wanted you to be placed. So make sure when you say you're in it but not of it, you're not helping to make this earth a place called Hell. Change your words into truths and then change that truth into love!!!

So if you press into the lyrics and hear it with your heart ... your perspective may change and you just might dance around a little bit too.

our mistakes ...

2008-04-20T07:51:00.000-07:00

We heal when we learn from our mistakes and in order to learn from them we need to be honest. We need to acknowledge our mistakes, face them and live in them for a moment ... a real, timeless moment. It is essential to be accountable and honest about our actions and what we have done.

After any mistake there is an aftermath that needs to be cleaned and cleared up. When others are involved in our mistakes we need to share with them how we feel about what we have done and stay with them for a moment (a real, timeless moment) to also find out how they feel about what we have done. We need to help ourselves and help them and move past the mistake if at all possible. It is possible. Be honest and couragous about this.

At times the mistake that is more difficult to move is the one that we face alone. The mistake that we know has compromised our "highest good", regardless of its impact (or lack of impact) on others. As unfair as this may seem we often feel our solitary mistakes on a deeper level than the mistakes we made that effect others. We live within ourselves daily and therefore live in our mistakes sometimes in each moment.

It is not a different process when moving a mistake that we have made against ourselves.

Create a dialog with your higher self like you are sitting in circle with yourself. Let your higher self counsel and support your learning, remembering and growing self. Stay with yourself for a real, timeless moment and find out how you feel about what you have done. Help yourself move past your mistake with honesty and courage. This is possible too.

The aftermath of a mistake is not a good time to be a wimp. The act of being a wimp can turn mistakes into catastopies and can fade moments, even real and timeless moments into a dull lifetime.

When truthful contemplation and communication is complete we then need to walk away from the mistake. That moment in time is over. You now have much better things to do AFTER the mistake is cleared up. This is an act of love ... the universal kind of love that holds the love of self, the love of others, a love for growth, honestly and reality.

on the daily drive

2008-04-18T22:31:00.000-07:00

On my daily drive to work and back I usually contemplate aspects of life, love and the pursuit of freedom a.k.a. happiness. This morning my contemplation surrounded the song I was listening to ... Stevie Wonder and his timeless, imaginary news cast about the circumstances of days long ago ... from the "70's. The song was "Love's in Need" and it states that love is in need of love. Poetic playfulness about a seriously needed emotion. Not a thing about this song was old. So what does this have to do with healing? Everything. Love ... simply given and taken, shared and felt realistically. Stevie says "don't delay".

What else is there that can immediately regenerate us like a good dose of love? In a hug from a true friend, eye contact from your lover, the enthusiasm in seeing a beloved coming your way ... to love is to heal. Nobody needs Reiki as much as they need love.

Thoughts ...

2008-04-15T20:06:00.000-07:00

Reiki is "hands on healing" * Reiki is a continual circle of energy with no beginning and no end * As Reiki is given Reiki is received and as Reiki is received it is given * Reiki washes away stress like a good window washer cleans a window * Reiki is to the touch what electricity is to an electric blanket * Electricity runs from the plant to the transformer to a home and Reiki runs from its great universal source straight to you ... you are the plant, the transformer and the home * Reiki is a most incredible energy of very high intelligence * Reiki is about being of loving service * Reiki is a beautiful form of self love - unconditional self love * The foundation of Reiki is self healing (when you support other in their healing it is an added benefit) * Reiki promotes balance, wholeness and higher consciousness which sustains a calm state of being. This leads to the healing of ones emotional, mental, physical and spiritual being * Reiki builds personal energy for more resilience * Reiki transforms negative energy into positive energy * Reiki starts but never stops * Reiki simply is Reiki.

Shot from a cannon

2008-04-11T07:01:00.000-07:00

I said in my earlier blog that my introduction and initiations into Reiki were like being shot out of a cannon and they were. One Sunday in January of ’01 I went to lunch with a friend. Her plans included a Psychic Faire after lunch.. My plans did not. My friends was quite forceful and I was not the one driving so we went to the faire. I entered the faire pouting and protesting. I was a sweat lodge, meditate at the stream kind of chick.

Walking into this place was like wading into the fresh remains of a bad sinus infection. Snake oil salesmen on the right and Goddess Candle Wax Readings on the left and deep in the midst of the neon-rainbow-chrystal-bling-bling was this dude with dreadlocks playing the didgeridoo and his magically calm and somewhat surreal partner giving readings. I could somehow relate to them so I did.

Don’t get me wrong. I have a strong affinity for snakes, snake medicine, dragons flight and the ever so sacred kundalini energy. I worship and place myself before the Prime Creator’s God and Goddess. Candle wax is the effect of a lit candle and I love candles. Neon warns us of road hazards. Rainbows are beautiful and the chakras are most significant. Crystals are so cool … I have them all around my garden. It was the combination that got to me and that psychic faire was where I got my first Reiki treatment. The dreadlocked dude and the surreal psychic were Reiki Masters and quickly enough they became mine.

I went from that quickie Reiki session at a Psychic Faire to the Master Level initiation in 6 short months. My Masters felt certain that I was “ready”. I had no idea what that meant. With my heels planted firmly in the earth I got “ready”. Looking back I have often questioned what “ready” was. I cannot answer that question any better today than I did then … I just know “now” that I am here “now” and how I got here was right.

Have you ever been shot out of a cannon?

I haven’t either but imagine it … there you are … all dressed up for this big event, maybe wearing a nifty spandex high-kick jump suit with a wide collar and matching boots. You have a helmet … a freaking helmet that matches your jump suit and your boots. It's like dressing up for Easter Sunday only better.

Everyone is watching. You realize you are at least one cell shy of a full brain but you drop feet first into this cannon and you wait.

5 …. 4 …. 3 …. 2 …. 1 … B A N G !!!!!!

You are forced forward into space in an unreal state of time, noise is weird, time is slow, everything is passing you at an unrealistic speed, you have never seen people look at you this way, you have never seen people this way … whoa, pay attention now, right in front of you … the T A R G E T !!!!

SHIT … you hit it !!!!

There is probably a bit to clean up after you hit a target.

The speed of my initiations was like being shot out of a cannon and amazingly enough I hit the target. The target being Reiki. Reiki with an understanding of its purpose. Reiki with an intention to share its highest good with others.

Would I shoot my Student’s out of a cannon?

What if a student showed up for class all dressed up like class was a big event, wearing a nifty spandex high-kick jump suit? What if the jump suit had a wide collar, flicked up in the back with the points of the collar pointed to their ears and they had on matching boots? What if they had a helmet on, a freaking helmet that matched their jump suit and their boots? What would I do? … (call 911!) … I would lovingly unbuckle their helmet and sit them down on a soft pillow on my floor and I would ask them to take a few deep breaths. On their second or third really good breath I would ask them to encourage their brain to hold that deep breath until they find the still point between it and their next breath. With a student like this it might take more than a few deep breaths. When they found the still point between breaths I would ask them to take off the boots and the helmet and join me for class.

I might learn a lot from this student.

ok, I am sick today

2008-04-05T08:34:00.000-07:00

and that is all I had to say about it ... a cold, a dag nabbit cold.

Reiki ...

2008-04-03T21:07:00.001-07:00

Reiki is Love ... unconditional love and it allows you to touch the profound and to place your hands on an intangible.

Reiki lessons ...

2008-04-02T20:07:00.000-07:00

My passage into Reiki was like being shot out of a cannon. I knew a bit more than nothing about Reiki in January of '01 and was inititated into the Master level by July of '01. Coming up on 7 years I am just now in a place where I feel that I am prepared to lovingly and supportively initiate others into Reiki. My certainty is a passionate belief.

Of all of the things that I have experienced over these 7 years the turning point ... from just a person that does Reiki to a person that wants to offer a catalyst for others is as follows ...

I met an amazing woman while volunteering at a local hospital in the cancer center. I was running Reiki on cancer patients and their care givers. The majority of the people I shared Reiki with were women (close to my age) diagnosed with and hoping to survive breast cancer.

Prior to my volunteer work I had been in a self propelled, candy coated practice of Reiki. I was soothing friends who had quarrels with lovers, melting people of everyday stress and thinking I was doing great things. My ego was attached to outcome and it was really attached to the title of "healer".

Having survived cancer myself I had this notion that I could give back to the cancer community a little thank you from me for having lived. I learned a lot from the women at the center and especially from the woman who became my friend. To date I have not given back more than I have received.

Early on, my third patient was the woman that I became friends with. She had just been diagnosed with breast cancer and she had never experience Reiki. She was honestly one of the most frightened people I had ever met. Working with this stranger with this intense fear was a wide threshold for me. She was rigid with anxiety, I was way out of my experience level. She was mellow and resilient when we finished. I was grateful that Reiki happened.

She became a Reiki junky. She scheduled in advance to meet with me and over six months I saw that she was really one of the most couragous people I had ever met. I was honored that she was my friend.

The combined influences of the energy of cancer, my gratitude for my own survival, the fear of many of the women I saw and the healing of some of the women I saw was amazing to witness. I was humbled by the experience and the exposure. My ego was reduced.

My friend "survived" breast cancer as she swore that she would.

Around the time she was scheduling her first hair cut (her hair had grown back in) she confided in me that she was frightened again due to some things that were "just not right" with her head. She was soon diagnosed with brain cancer. The brain cancer grew rapidly and agressively. It all went so fast that there was no time to really think about it.

She asked that I support her with Reiki and I did. Through supporting her I learned even more. I learned some profound lessons about detachment from outcome and results. I became detached from my desire for her to live. I learned about detachment of ego. There was nothing great about such good lessons as I was learning them while my friend was passing,

I had already reached a place where I knew that we are only healers when we heal ourselves. We can best support others in their desire to heal when we step aside. As my friend was passing I learned that sometimes healing is about your ability to heal at the point that we need to. She held onto her ability to heal during breast cancer. She was past her abilty to heal with brain cancer ... we were left facing that when it 's time to go it's time to go.

I learned deep lessons about unconditional love. I had conditions and so did all of her loved ones. None of our conditions mattered and we all loved her anyway and we all loved her more as the days continued. I learned from her family members after she passed that my loving support as a friend and as a Reiki practitioner really mattered.

My friend was a devoted Catholic. When she first came for Reiki it was at the advice of her Priest who told her it might help her relax. The very last thing that my friend said to me was "you need to know something, you need to know this ... I understand about karma now ... I finally understand about karma". I don't recall that my friend and I ever talked about karma for her to feel the need to tell me what she finally understood.

Chinese proverb ...

2008-04-01T21:33:00.000-07:00

Those who say it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it.

and it is done ...

2008-03-31T20:48:00.000-07:00

It is amazing at times how things unfold ... without effort. Tonight while leaving work a dear friend happened by and a greeting turned into a full and interesting communication that included in it my passage into 'blogging". I know to many "blogging" is a strange word that might not have any meaning. I know to others "blogging" is a modern way to express oneself. For me I had been aware of it, had no clue of its purpose and here I am. My intended path to follow here is to get the word out about "change", evolution . Oh, let me gather more thought together first. Thanks "JL" for the guidance. I will return.